“Your words have been harsh against Me, says God. Yet you say, what have we spoken against You? You have said, it is useless to serve God; what profit is it that we have kept His ordinance and that we have walked as mourners before the Lord of Hosts? So now we call the proud sinners with praise, for those who do wickedness are raised up; they have even tested God and been spared (Malachi 3:13–15).”

“What’s the use in serving God? No matter what we do, we still get abused; we don’t have anything, and we are prosperous!” These are their words even though they had just been relieved from seventy years of captivity and slavery!

King David describes his response to such arguments and complaints in Psalm 73:

This is what the wicked are like

always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.

Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure

and have washed my hands in innocence.

All day long I have been afflicted,

and every morning brings new punishments.

If I had spoken out like that,

I would have betrayed Your children.

When I tried to understand all this,

it troubled me deeply

till I entered the sanctuary of God;

then I understood their final destiny.

Surely You place them on slippery ground;

You cast them down to ruin.

How suddenly are they destroyed,

completely swept away by terrors!

They are like a dream when one awakes;

so You, My Master,

You will despise them as fantasies.

When my heart was grieved

and my spirit embittered,

I was senseless and ignorant;

I was a brute beast before You.

Yet I am always with You;

You hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

and with glory You will receive me.

Whom have I in heaven but You?

And earth has nothing I desire besides You.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but the Lord is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever.

Those who are far from You will perish;

You destroy all who are unfaithful to You.

But as for me, it is good to be near God.

I have made My Master, the Lord God my refuge;

I will tell of all Your deeds.

Isaiah too, responded to such complaints:

“But now listen, Jacob, my servant,

Israel, whom I have chosen.

This is what God says—

He who made you, Who formed you in the womb,

and who will help you:

Do not be afraid, Jacob, my servant,

Jeshurun, whom I have chosen.

For I will pour water on the thirsty land,

and streams on the dry ground;

I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring,

and my blessing on your descendants.

They will spring up like grass in a meadow,

like poplar trees by flowing streams.

Some will say, ‘I belong to God’;

others will call themselves by the name of Jacob;

still others will write on their hand, ‘God’s,’

and will take the name Israel (Isaiah 44:1-5).”

Malachi continues his message by reminding us that each word we speak is recorded:

“Then those who feared God talked with each other, and God listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in His presence concerning those who feared God and honored His name.

‘On the day when I act,’ says God, Master of Legions,, ‘they will be my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as a father has compassion and spares his son who serves him.  And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve the Lord and those who do not’ (Malachi 3:16-18).”

Malachi well understands our fears and frustrations. He urges us to accept God’s promise of assurance and protection. He wants us to remember that each word of complaint we speak leaves a permanent Mark on our soul. He urges us to fear God, not His wrath, but rather to be in awe of Him, and hold on to His promise of protection just as did the Children of Israel when they risked their lives and took the animal worshiped as a god by the Egyptians and tied them up in front of their homes, provoking their former masters, and saying, “We fear God, not you.”

When the people returned from Babylon to Jerusalem they were still frightened of the military powers who threatened their existence in their new home. They did not fear God as much as they feared men. They cried out against God, rather than to Him, in rejection and anger, rather than connection. They were unchanged despite experiencing redemption. Their complaints were no different from those in King David’s time, and those to whom Isaiah spoke. Their words were the same even after experiencing Redemption. This is our challenge on Pesach- “Peh Sach,” a mouth that converses; has our vocabulary and speech changed because of our positive experiences? (Please see our special series on TheFoundationStone.org: Nisan-Perfecting Our Speech, and Nisan-Fighting The Fire of Anger)

Author Info:
Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.

In the Analects, Confucius’ definition of goodness starts with the “golden rule,” but he takes his concept further, famously stating that to be good, one must be “resolute and firm, simple and slow in speech.”

The Master said, ‘To be resolute and firm, simple and slow in speech, is to approach true goodness.’ (Analects 13.27 [17]). Commentator Wang Su said, ‘Gang [resolute] is to be without desire; yi [firm] is to be determined and daring; mu is to be simple; na is to be slow in speech. To be possessed of these four qualities is to approach true goodness.’ …

”

‘Simple and slow in speech’ becomes almost a refrain in the teachings of Confucius. For instance, in 12.3, he says, ‘The person of true goodness is restrained in speech.’

Throughout the text he repeatedly cautions his followers not to mistake eloquence for substance, as in 1.3: ‘The Master said – artful words and a pleasing countenance have little, indeed, to do with true goodness.’ …

”

Commentator Zhu Xi wants to understand why this is so. The answer for him is partly that restraint in speech indicates a general self-restraint, which, in turn, indicates that one’s original mind and heart, with its endowed true goodness, has been preserved and not won over by selfish desires. … For Zhu, words that are not simple but, rather, are ‘artful’ are evidence of ‘adorning oneself on the outside in an effort to please others, a matter of human desire having grown dissolute.’ ”

We confront the question of eloquence versus simplicity when we praise God. “One may only use Moshe’s words of praise to speak of God: “The Almighty, Who is Great, Powerful and Awesome.” (Megillah 18a) Rabbeinu Avraham ben HaGra insists that all prayer is based on these four Hebrew words: “HaKail, HaGadol, HaGibbor, V’HaNorah”.

There is danger in waxing too eloquent in praising One Who is Infinite. Our attempts to exhaust God’s praises imply that we can find words to describe this Infinite being.

We are limited in finding the proper words for the essential part of our prayers. If we must be so careful in our praise of God, should we not be as careful in all areas of our speech? We can use the discipline of speech in praise to train ourselves to speak so we may approach true goodness.

Author Info:

Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.

A couple of months ago, I asked a Rabbi a question and he gave me an answer. When I saw him later that week, he said to me, “I was wrong. The answer is something else.” Why did I love that moment?

By telling me he was wrong and giving me the correct answer, he made several statements. He did not care what I thought about his being wrong. He respected my right to have the correct answer. He also showed his integrity by correcting himself and learning from his mistake.

Talmudic learning is done in pairs. Each person discusses his view on what the Talmud said, and many times there is a difference of opinion as to what the Talmud meant. Sometimes one person realizes his explanation is not valid. This happens several times during a study session. The most valuable aspect of this interaction is the ability to acknowledge you were wrong and to accept the correct interpretation. The search for truth involves a bumpy road.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting with my primary care physician and we were having a discussion about doctors. He told me his patients deserve to have a second opinion, because that will provide peace of mind if the first diagnosis is correct. It may also provide a better answer. He then said “A doctor that does not approve of getting a second opinion is a doctor worth leaving. He or she needs to know if the advice was incorrect.”

This week’s Torah reading talks about confessing a sin, saying “I was wrong.” Then you need to do something about it. Correct your mistake.

To quote Rabbi Joseph Telushkin ,“We all need to be more humble.” Saying, “I was wrong,” is humbling, constructive, and endearing. It is a beautiful phrase.

I become very uncomfortable when someone has justification, serious and valid halachic justification, for speaking negatively of someone else, known as Lishon Harah. I can’t argue with the justification. There are times when we are permitted to speak negatively of someone else. However, it makes me nervous. I feel as if it is a little too tempting to hide in halachah.

I recall a responsum of the Rashba, Rabbi Solomon Ibn Aderet (Volume II, #35) about just this sort of justification, what I have described as, hiding in halachah.

The city of Gerona in northern Spain was noted in the medieval period for its large Jewish community, as well as its great sages. Alongside the majority of pious and God fearing citizens of Gerona, there were also individuals in the community who did not lead exemplary lives. Jewish communities, unfortunately, have not been devoid of profligates and sinners, although we can say that such persons generally constituted a minority of a community devoted to God and His commandments.

It happened during the 13th century that one of the citizens of the community, whom we shall call Reuben, whose daughter had reached a marriageable age, a really managed a match for her with a certain Simeon, who apparently was a young man of dubious reputation. He was known to occasionally gamble, though not to access. A time was set for the wedding, and, as was customary at the time, it was agreed that penalties would be imposed upon the party that would violate the agreement. The documents were placed with a trustee who agreed to turn them over to the party that was willing to carry out the terms of the contract, so that the latter would be entitled to receive compensations if his demands were not met.

In the meanwhile, Simeon began to consort with people of unsavory reputation, openly flouted the accepted Jewish pattern of behavior, and became so unruly that he was actually placed under a religious ban. He devoted all his time to gambling which, in the course of time, became his sole occupation. When the time arrived for the wedding, Simeon insisted on going through with it. Rubin, however, refused to permit his daughter to marry the rascal. Although Rueben was aware that Simeon gambled, he could not have known before hand that his future son-in-law would turn out such a scrapegrace.

The would-be groom went to the trustee to obtain the document which entitled him to damages in case the contract was not fulfilled. Were he in possession of this document he felt that his case would be foolproof. The father, however, maintained that he owed Simeon nothing because his behavior had become so intolerable that he had to be placed under the ban. Simeon apparently, was not altogether ignorant of Jewish law and claimed that as long as he was not physically unbearable and thus subject to the Jewish law which compels him to grant a divorce (Ketubot 77a), he was entitled to marry his fiancée, because a woman is satisfied to marry anyone as long as he will be a husband to her (Kiddushin 7a). Besides, he maintained, the father already knew beforehand that he was a gambler.

The father, however, insisted that morally corrupt people are more dangerous than people suffering from foul diseases. The fact that Simeon was under the ban, he claimed, denied him the right of marrying (Moed Katan 15b).

This case was brought before the greatest Talmudic authority in Spain at the time, the Rabbi of Barcelona, the Rashba. In his responsum, the great Rabbi decided in favor of the father. He declared that the trustee was not obligated to give the documents to Simeon, since there was no clause included that the document be placed retro actively in the possession of the wronged party. Where this clause is missing, he explained, the law of asmachta, a non-binding consent to forfeiture on the part of the defendant if he does not carry out his agreement, is put in operation.

Moreover, since the fiancé is unwilling to marry the young man, the agreement of forfeiture is not binding: the father is in no position to make his daughter marry the man.

It is, in addition, a reasonable assumption that were the father to have known that the man would behave so notoriously, he would never have agreed to give him his daughter in marriage, anymore than she would have consented to marry him.

This reasonable assumption is grounded in the Talmud (Bava Batra 132a). Likewise, the argument that being under been he may not marry is supported by Rabbi Aderet.

In conclusion, even if the trustee had handed over the documents to Simeon, they would not have empowered him to collect compensation.

In this manner Jewish law protected a family from an unhappy marriage, and prevented a rascal from collecting compensation for his up noxious behavior and for making himself unacceptable as a husband.

The fact that this question was sent from Gerona to Barcelona, to the greatest rabbi of the generation, means that local rabbis did not know how to argue with the Halachic arguments of the gambler. He knew enough law to justify his claims. He had just enough knowledge to argue his case, and confuse all but the greatest sage of the generation. It’s dangerous when we use halachah to justify our behavior, when we, as we said, hide in halachah.

The next time we want to justify speaking negatively of someone else, let’s remember that when dealing with serious laws, those that protect someone’s reputation and life, it is not enough to ask just anyone, we have to ask a true expert, a real sage. The awareness that we have to ask, and the additional awareness that we must make an extra effort to find a true expert, will help us hesitate before we jump to a conclusion that we may see speak as we wish, and it will also allow us an opportunity to practice Yirat Shamaim, Awe of Heaven.

Author Info:
Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.

Rabbi Peter Grumbacher is a Reform rabbi in Wilmington, Delaware. In 1995, Rabbi Grumbacher’s mother passed away in New York City. So the next day he and his father were sitting with the funeral director. The man was taking professional notes on the information the Grumbachers were giving him. At one point, the funeral director excused himself and left the room. After he had gone, the father turned to the son and said, “I do not like this man”. The Rabbi said to his father, “why not, dad?” His father replied, “He treats your mother like a slice of white bread”. At that moment the Rabbi said to himself, “I found the solution to my dilemma”.

What was the dilemma?

There was one undertaker in the state of Delaware who Rabbi Grumbacher knew was the most compassionate of all the undertakers. Alan Schoenberg. He would be the best person to attend to the funerals of the loved ones of his congregation. But you are not supposed to stand up and recommend one over the other. And for years, he was trying to figure out how to make his case. And now he had his case.

He waited until Yizkor. With a packed synagogue he told the story of his father and the undertaker in New York. And then he said, “Alan Schoenberg will never treat your loved ones like a slice of white bread”.

At home later breaking his fast, the Rabbi received a phone call from Alan. Alan was at someone else’s break fast with a number of people from Rabbi Grumbacher’s synagogue. And Alan told the rabbi people were talking about him.

Guess what happened? If you drew a graph showing use of Alan, the first part of the graph would be a flat line at the bottom. But after the Rabbi’s talk, the line slanted sharply upward and went off the charts.

The Rabbi told this story at Alan’s funeral. I was moved. When I went home to New York something bothered me. I had a question. And I did something I had never done before. I called the Rabbi to ask him a question. “Rabbi, you said for years you had this dilemma. Do you have any idea how many years you had the dilemma”?

The Rabbi answered,“Yes, I do. I came to Delaware in 1972 and after I had met all the undertakers and worked with them, I saw Alan was the most compassionate. But I knew if I did not say the right thing I would not get the result I wanted for my congregation”. It took me until 1995 to find the correct words.

23 years! 23 years!!!!!

For 23 years a Rabbi kept his mouth shut. Because he understood that what he said had to have the desired result. This man understood the purpose of communication. To get a result. Not to talk. To get a result.

To get a result, you have to not only want to do the right thing. You need to do it the right way. Otherwise, the situation does not improve. And many times, you can make it worse.

When he finally had his case, he waited . Again. Not for the next Shabbat sermon. Not for the next holiday. For Yom Kippur, When he could reach the most people. Again, discipline. Understanding that the right words to the right audience at the right time will achieve maximum results.

How many of us open our mouths oh, too quickly. How many of us talk to hear ourselves talk? How many of us talk to feel superior to the person we are talking to? How many of us talk to embarrass the person we are talking to? How many of us use words unwisely, and unwell?

Today we are in the middle of the days of atonement. On Yom Kippur, we will say the confession. There is a long list. 46 sins. Look at the list. Something will jump out at you. A theme. 14 of the 46 have to do with the sins we commit with our mouths. Almost 1/3 of the entire list has to do with speech. I never noticed this before. But preparing this talk made me go to the list and I discovered something new. One of the major themes of this holiday is how we use our speech. A major theme. One third of all the confession.

There is a reason it is a major theme. Some sins take a lot of effort to commit. Theft. But if you want a quick fix when you want to do a sin, use your mouth. It’s handy, it’s quick and in no time poof! Sin! Mission accomplished.

We all know it’s very easy to do this. We speak without thinking. We can’t keep our mouth shut. We can’t wait to talk. It’s natural. And it can cause many problems.

So what is the solution?

The Rabbi Grumbacher 23… seconds of silence. This rule teaches us that when we want to say something we STOP………..for 23 seconds. And we consider the following: What do I want to achieve? Will this have a positive effect? What state of mind am I in and what state of mind is the person I’m talking to in? Will the words I use and the tone I use achieve what I want? If the answer is no…..shh. Be quiet.

If you find this tough to do, think of 23 years. 23 seconds is nothing compared to 23 years. Do you want to have the type of success Rabbi Grumbacher had? Take 23 seconds.

But of course there is the recurring problem of taking what we want to do when we think about next year and actually implementing it . How do you do that? Even the most sincere people find themselves slipping back into the old ways a few days after Yom Kippur. So how can we make this part of a concentrated effort in the new year?

For those of you who pray every day it is easy. At the end of every Amidah we say “guard our tongue from speaking evil”. So I suggest, in your prayer book , put in a sticker in with “23 seconds of silence” to focus you to think about the upcoming day’s key conversations and whether you should be talking or not.

But what if you don’t pray every day or even come to the synagogue once a week. It’s okay. You still have an option. Do you make a to do list every day? Put it on your to do list. Right between latte and laundry. And write it 5 times as large as the other things on the list. And don’t cross it off the list. It is to remind you all day long.

But Gerald, you ask, isn’t this a lot of work? Every day? Answer. No. You talk all the time. Take 23 seconds to think about all the time you talk and whether you’re going to get yourself in trouble, get other people in trouble, get nothing done, or get a positive result.

Every time I tell this story, I am reinspired.

I’ve heard many people speak. I’ve heard many Rabbis speak.

But I’ve never heard anyone not speak… for 23 years.

And then speak.

And be so spectacularly successful

We can take 23 seconds

We can think before we speak.

And decide whether it is time to speak, or be silent.

When we do decide to speak, we will have the possibility of being spectacularly successful