“Acquire a friend for yourself (Avot 1:6).” How? Since I first learned this Mishna as a little boy I’ve heard it explained as, ‘even if you have to buy the friendship with gifts.’ It hasn’t worked for me, and I believe that I’ve never seen it work for someone else.

I have another question: Why does the Mishna not teach us for what to look in a friend? Does the Mishna wants us to find a friend who can be bought?

Rashi comments on Hillel’s famous teaching, “What is hateful to you, do not do to your friend (Shabbat 31a),” “Do not forsake your friend or the friend of your father (Proverbs 27:10),” ‘friend’ refers to the Holy One, Blessed is He. When we apply Rashi’s teaching, this Mishna means to acquire God as a friend. God certainly cannot be bought.  The key must be the definition of acquisition.

I always read this Mishna as more than a list, or even a prioritized list, meaning that it is more important to make someone your personal rebbi (who is focused on lecha, you as an individual) than it is to acquire a friend; I read it as an ordered list: First, make a Rebbi for yourself. Second, acquire a friend. Third, in order to retain the rebbi and friend, learn to always judge someone more to the side of merit than fault. If we read the entire Mishna through the lens of the above Rashi, that the friend is God, how do we understand the instruction to make a rebbi for ourselves? Is God the Rebbi? Do we need a Rebbi to guide us in acquiring God as a friend?

Is it possible that the steps after the Children of Israel crossed the Split Sea, especially Marah, where Moshe began to teach Torah, intended for the people to make Moshe their rebbi, preparing them for Sinai, where they could acquire God as a friend? Would their stop in Eilim, with its Twelve springs of water and Seventy palm trees, have been their opportunity to make Moshe their personal rebbi?

The Rambam introduces Sefer Kinyan – The Book of Acquisition, with the verse, “The beginning of wisdom: Acquire wisdom; with all your resources, gain understanding (Proverbs 4:7).” ‘Acquire wisdom,’ cannot possibly mean to purchase wisdom, but to make it ours, as one who picks up a portable object to make it his, or pays for, or writes a contract for a field to acquire ownership.

Acquisition means to make it mine. Why are we instructed to make someone our personal Rebbi, but to acquire a friend?

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Woe to my teachers when I was a little boy! I had the fantastic privilege of sitting on my father’s lap when he taught every topic under the sun. I picked up just enough information to cause problems for the teachers in Eitz Chaim Day School in Toronto.

Mr. E. was writing on the blackboard with his back to the class. One of the children made a loud and disgusting noise. Mr. E. turned around and wanted to know who was the culprit. I remembered a selection of the Talmud that I had recently overheard and knew that although I was not guilty, I had to raise my hand and accept responsibility.

Mr. E. was so furious that even after I received my punishment while leaning over a table, I was sent to the principal’s office.

I was worried that I would have to lean over again, but Rabbi N. surprised my by asking, “Why did you admit to something you didn’t do?”

“I learned it in a Gemara,” I told him. He was dubious, “There is no such Gemara!” “Of course there is,” I insisted, and I showed it to him:

It once happened that Rabban Gamaliel said: ‘Send me up seven [scholars] early in the morning to the upper chamber to calculate the month.’ When he came in the morning and found eight, he asked: ‘Who is he who has come up without permission? Let him go down.’ Thereupon, Samuel the Little arose and said: ‘It was I who came up without permission; my object was not to join in the intercalation, but because I felt the necessity of learning the practical application of the law.’

Rabban Gamaliel then answered: ‘Sit down, my son, sit down; you are worthy of intercalating all years [in need of such], but it is a decision of the Rabbis that it should be done only by those who have been specially appointed for the purpose.’ — But in reality it was not Samuel the Little [who was the uninvited member] but another; he only wished to save the intruder from humiliation.

Similarly it once happened that while Rabbi was delivering a lecture, he noticed a smell of garlic.

Thereupon he said: ‘Let him who has eaten garlic go out.’ R. Hiyya arose and left; then all the other disciples rose in turn and went out. In the morning R. Simeon, Rabbi’s son, met and asked him: ‘Was it you who caused annoyance to my father yesterday?’ ‘Heaven forfend5 that such a thing should happen in Israel,’ he answered.

And from whom did R. Hiyya learn such conduct? — From R. Meir, for it is taught: A story is related of a woman who appeared at the Beth Hammidrash7 of R. Meir and said to him, ‘Rabbi, one of you has taken me to wife by cohabitation.’ Thereupon he rose up and gave her a bill of divorce, after which every one of his disciples stood up in turn and did likewise.

And from whom did R. Meir learn this? — From Samuel the Little. And Samuel the Little? — From Shecaniah son of Jehiel, for it is written, And Shecaniah son of Jehiel, one of the sons of Elam answered and said unto Ezra: We have broken faith with our God and have married foreign women of the peoples of the land: yet now there is hope in Israel concerning this thing.

And Shecaniah learnt it from [the story told of] Joshua. As it is written, The Lord said unto Joshua, Get thee up, wherefore, now, art thou fallen upon they face? Israel hath sinned . . . ‘Master of the Universe,’ asked Joshua, ‘who are the sinners?’ ‘Am I an informer?’ replied God. ‘Go and cast lots [to find out].’ (Sanhedrin 11a)

Thank God, Rabbi N was so busy laughing that he forgot to add to my punishment. However, he insisted that the Gemara did not apply to a classroom. “Why not?”

“Ask your father!”

I stayed up very late until my father came home from Yeshiva and told him the story. He was not surprised. In fact, he had been expecting something like that to occur because ever since I overheard that Gemara I followed him around asking him, “From where did you learn to do that?”

By the way, he answered me each time.

II.

The most magical part of that selection from the Talmud is that whenever someone acted in a marvelous manner, they asked, “From where did he learn such behavior?” The Sages of the Talmud did not assume that the person was a holy Tzaddik and figured all out on his own. They assumed that he learned the behavior from someone else.

No wonder, Pirkei Avot – Chapters of Our Fathers – a treasure of magnificent behavior, begins with the Mesorah – the Tradition received by Moshe at Sinai and handed down from one generation to the next. Our Mesorah is not only about law; it is a fountain of knowledge of how to behave in challenging situations.

When we learn the lessons of these great Sages, we must understand their situations and how their specific approach guided them through life. We will then be able to answer, “How did you know to respond like that?” Hopefully without having to bear Mr. E’s belt!

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The Anshei Knesset HaGedolah conclude the first Mishna in Avot by teaching, “Strengthen your Torah through constant discussion.” (Chassid Ya’avetz, who does not believe that the Mishna teaches us to “Make a fence around the Torah!”)

Who were these people? The Talmud teaches: “Why were they called Men of the Great Assembly? Because they restored the crown of the divine attributes to its completeness. Moshe had said, “God, great, powerful and awesome.”

Then Yirmeyahu came and said “Nations are destroying His Temple. Where are his “awesome deeds? So he omitted the attribute “Awesome.”

Daniel came and said, “Nations are enslaving His children. Where are His mighty deeds? So he omitted the attribute “Mighty.”

But the Men of the Great Assembly came and said, “On the contrary! Therein lie His Mighty deeds that he suppresses His wrath, that He extends long patience to the wicked. Therein lies His awesomeness: For but for the fear of Him, how could one single nation persist among the many nations!” When the Anshei Knesset HaGedolah added this phrase to our Tefillah they were restoring the glory of Hashem.

II.

There is more. When they acknowledged God’s awesomeness and might even in the most desperate of situations they were restoring that level of His Divine Providence to the world. The court of the lower world joined with God to restore a higher level of Hashgacha Pratit.

This speaks of the power of human beings to bring a higher level of Hashgacha to the world. Humans did it. Again, this is a praise of God. He granted us extraordinary power in our relationship with Him. He gave us the ability to work in partnership with Him.

III.

Any other leader would have been devastated. The Second Temple was complete. Most of the Babylonian exiles chose to remain where they were. Jerusalem was vulnerable and under populated. Many, if not most, of the Jews who had returned from Babylon were intermarried. The Jews had chosen to remain dispersed. Judaism could not remain centered around the Temple. People were unfamiliar with prayer and blessings.

The Anshei Knesset HaGedolah chose to approach all these impossible issues with the greatest surge of creativity in Jewish History. They compiled the siddur. They formulated the blessings. They instituted the structure of Judaism as we know it.

Even Jeremiah and Daniel were forlorn, but these people saw this moment in history as an opportunity to grow. They understood the absolute demand to be deliberate. They appreciated the need to nurture new generations of students. They were clear that they were challenging all future generations of Jews to see God’s awesomeness and Power even where Jeremiah and Daniel did not.

Their concluding, most important message was to strengthen Torah through explanations. Explain why we do what we do. Discuss our reasons. Challenge people to ask, and give them answers.

They knew that this new expression of creativity would give rise to argument and debate, as we soon see in Pirkei Avot, that there were divisions of authority and opinion. They knew all this. They wanted this. What else could possibly result from nurturing independence in our students? And they saw these discussions, questions and arguments as a source of strength. These discussions would create a fortress for Torah, one that would protect its integrity and sanctity through all the generations to come.

These discussions were their strength, and they should be ours as well.

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Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.

“Akavia ben (son of) Mehalalel said, consider three things and you will not come to sin. Know from where you have come, to where you are heading, and before Whom you will give justification and accounting. From where have you come: from a putrid drop (of semen); to where are you heading: to a place of dirt, worms and maggots; and before Whom will you give justification and accounting: before the King of kings, the Holy One blessed be He.”

Whenever I read this Mishna I remember a conversation with my father zt”l about a morning prayer that often left me depressed:

“At all times let a man fear God as well in private as in public, acknowledge the truth, and speak the truth in his heart; and let him rise early and say:

Sovereign of all worlds! Not because of our righteous acts do we lay our supplications before You, but because of Your abundant mercies. What are we? What is our life? What is our piety? What is our righteousness?

What is our helpfulness? What is our strength? What is our might?

What shall we say before thee, O Lord our God and God of our fathers? Are not all the mighty men as nothing before You, the men of renown as though they had not been, the wise as if without knowledge, and the men of understanding as if without discernment?

For most of their works are void, and the days of their lives are vanity before thee, and the pre-eminence of man over the beast is nothing, for all is vanity.”

I told my father that the prayer depressed me. “Obviously,” he said, “you are not reading the entire text! What is the next sentence?”

“Nevertheless, we are Your people, the children of Your covenant, the children of Abraham, Your beloved, to whom You swore on Mount Moriah; the seed of Isaac, his only son, who was bound upon the altar, the congregation of Jacob, Your first born son, whose name You called Israel and Yeshurun by reason of the love with which You love him, and the joy with which You rejoice in him.”

“Why are you focusing on the negative and not the positive? There is a “Nevertheless! Focus on that and you will not be depressed.”

The Mishna above begins in a similar way: “From where have you come: from a putrid drop.” It continues: “to where are you heading: to a place of dirt, worms and maggots.” As if I didn’t have enough problems in my life!

It’s the third question and answer that transforms the first two: “and before Whom will you give justification and accounting: before the King of kings, the Holy One blessed be He.”

We may derive from a putrid drop, and we may end up in a place of dirt, yet we still have the capacity to live a life that will end with facing God and give an accounting!

The first two questions are not meant to portray us as insignificant, but as unlimited despite our physical beginning and end. This Mishna is a celebration of the possibilities of life, not its limitations. We rejoice in the fact that despite our humble beginnings and seemingly horrible physical end, we can transform our lives into one that has ultimate meaning.

It is the celebration of possibility that protects us from sin. It is not the putrid beginning or dusty end that steers us away from sin. In fact, they may actually lead to sin because we can begin to believe that nothing matters. It is the “Nevertheless” that protects us, energizes us, and directs us forward.

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“Rabbi Chanina the deputy [High] Priest said, pray for the welfare of the government (literally, “the monarchy”), for if not for fear of it, a person would swallow his fellow live.”

Some people astound me. Rabbi Yosef of Couci, the author of Sefer Mitzvot Hagadol, suffered greatly at the hands of King Louis, know as St. Louis, for what he did to the rabbi, and yet, he always stressed the importance of dealing with non-Jews with the greatest respect. His experiences did not color his beliefs.

Rabbi Chanina is another example of such a human being. He was the deputy to the Cohen Gadol, the High Priest, an understudy if you will, who was ready to perform the duties of the Cohen Gadol should he become ritually unfit for the service. Rabbi Chanina was deeply involved in the Temple life. He lived through its destruction by the Romans, and eventually suffered a martyr’s death at their hands.

Rabbi Chanina should have been the new Cohen Gadol each time the position became vacant. But the Roman government continually sold the office to the highest bidder, and deprived Rabbi Chanina of his rightful position.

This man is the one who teaches us that we must pray for the welfare of the government, the same government that destroyed the Beit Hamikdash, killed hundreds of thousands of his brethren, sold tens of thousands into slavery, and would eventually torture him to death.

Rabbi Chanina saw this same government as a source of stability, “For if not for fear of it, a person would swallow his fellow live.” There is still more danger from other people who would “swallow us alive,” than from the Roman government.

In the Midrash he says, “Great is peace, for it ranks with the works of Creation.” (Sifre, Numbers 6:26) It seems that the theme of Rabbi Chanina’s life was, similar to that of his ancestor Aaron HaCohen, to, “Search for peace and pursue it.”

Perhaps it takes a person of peace to achieve Rabbi Channina’s perspective, and that of the SeMaG. Only one who has achieved inner peace can understand the importance of praying for the peace of the government, even the Romans, even the King of France who has ordered the burning of the Talmud.

Perhaps only the person who has achieved inner peace can fully appreciate how thin a line stops us “from swallowing one another alive.”

I imagine Rabbi Chanina reviewing his favorite teaching even while being tortured by the Roman’s and thinking that we should pray for the peace of “Malchut Shamayim,” the Kingdom of Heaven, so that we will all be able to live in true peace.

PS: In the long ago time before people could post whatever they wanted about someone else, and “swallow them alive,” a student of my father’s published a pamphlet libeling my father. This student made sure to have copies delivered to every Jewish home in Toronto, and personal copies delivered to my sister and me in school. I could not understand how my father was not raging, or even angry. But that was nothing compared to the scene when years later, this student came to the Yeshiva campus in Baltimore to beg my father’s forgiveness. My father greeted him warmly, even a hug, and insisted that he had forgiven him long before. He did send the student to my mother to ask her forgiveness. She, shall we say, took a different approach.

I knew that I was witnessing greatness, and when I said so to my father, he corrected me and said, “You witnessed the benefit of achieving peace within.”

Many years later, the student came to Lincoln Square Synagogue to ask my help in finding a “Shidduch” for him. I did not possess the inner peace that was necessary to greet him as did my father, but I did have the desire for such inner peace, and agreed to help him.

Rabbi Chanina’s lesson lives on, not when we recite the prayer for the welfare of the government on Shabbat, but in those of us who desire to achieve the peace within that is the real message of the Mishna.

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Ben Zoma said: Who is wise? He who learns from all men, as it is written (Psalm 119:99) “I have gained understanding from all my teachers.” 

I am in middle of reading a very strange book by Fernando Pessoa, a Portuguese writer, “The Book of Disquiet.” He seems to have a different definition of a wise person, a definition about which, I have mixed feelings: “The truly wise man is the one who can keep external events from changing him in any way. To do this, he covers himself with an armor of realities closer to him than the world’s facts and through which the facts, modified accordingly, reach him.”

There is a part of me that can apply Pessoa’s definition to someone wise in Torah, because he too, “Covers himself with an armor of realities closer to him than the world’s facts,” namely, the Torah. It is through the Torah that facts are modified accordingly, until they reach him. The wise man can learn from all people because he can filter whatever they have to share through the Torah he has studied. He can be open to learning from all people because he has a solid foundation and knows when to “Keep external events from changing him in any way.”

And yet, I am bothered by his description of “an armor,” “that can keep external events from changing him in any way.” The wisdom of Torah is Torat Chaim, it is pulsating with life. Torah is involved with every detail of this world.Torah guides us in how to deal with an ever changing environment. I am constantly frustrated with people who are so armored by their Torah that they remove Torah from life.

The Mishna was taught by Ben Zoma, who would also teach, “What does a good guest say? Be my Host remembered in a good way. How many different wines He set before me, how many different portions of food He set before me, how many kinds of fine bread, and He did it all for my sake.” Ben Zoma celebrated the countless gifts of life. He lived life. He did not hide in armor.

“The end of the matter, all having been heard; fear the Lord and keep His Mitzvot, for this is the whole of man.” Ben Zoma adds, the entire world was created only that this might be proclaimed.

Ben Zoma did not lack in fear of God. He appreciated every aspect of life, including, as he says in this Mishna, the wisdom we can gain from all people.

I don’t think he wore his fear of God as armor. He responded to all of creation. His only unchanging reality was his fear of God. It protected and guided him as he learned from every aspect of life.

No wonder the sages say, “Whoever sees Ben Zoma in a dream may confidently hope for wisdom.” He personified it.

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Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.

Tens of trees in Fieldston were ripped from the ground in those recent winds. There are giant trees lying on the street with huge chunks of the street piled around them. All the people taking Pesach walks stopped to observe the damage to the neighborhood. “We are so vulnerable to nature,” was the typical comment.

While everyone else was looking at the destroyed trees, I chose to examine the flowers that grew in a pile of rocks, and a healthy root that had, over the years, snaked through the sidewalk and stretched its tentacles for twenty feet. I looked closer and realized that there were more life forms growing on the exposed sections of the roots.

While everyone else saw the power of nature in the felled giant trees, I saw its power in the flower that could not be stopped by a pile of stones, and by a root that could push up an entire chunk of sidewalk.

We were focused on two forms of power; the extraordinary power of almost hurricane winds, and the simple, steady power of the life of the trees and flowers around us.

Pip finished his business and it was time to move on to his next favorite spot, which is just in front of a stone house with magnificent trees that are in full bloom. The trees are gorgeous. They transform the house into a painting. Even I as enjoyed their beauty; I was saddened when I reflected on how short a life span the flowers have. In two weeks all the pink, purple and red will disappear and those trees will become big beautiful green trees. The magnolias will disappear. The cherry blossoms will fall. I want those people to plant a series of trees that will flower over the spring and summer months. They will need a larger front yard, and, it seems to me, a better gardener.

My wife was wondering why I focused on the temporary, and not the long-term, beauty, and yet, I had earlier chosen to focus on the long-term and not the extraordinary power of nature. “Both, the unusual and the long-term are important, powerful and magnificent. Don’t focus on only one or the other!”

It seems that the Sages of the Anshei Knesset HaGedolah took Debbie’s approach: “Be deliberate in judgment, and nurture many students to become independent.” The Chassid Ya’avetz explains that the Sages were reminding us that we constantly fluctuate between potential and action.

“Deliberate in judgment,” is a reminder of the need to be steady and consistent. “Nurture many students to be independent,” is a reminder to nurture the bursts of creative energy and potential.

We have to nurture the bursts of creativity and develop consistency in action. We need the power of the hurricane winds, and the steady strength of the growing roots to lift large segments of a sidewalk. We need the surge of the magnolias and cherry blossoms and we need the plainer consistency of the tree after the flowers have fallen.

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