We’ve been rewinding through the family’s history to better understand why things move at Fast Forward. We’re searching to figure out Joseph’s Menu.

I believe the key to this story to be the definition of “Hebrews,” the people with whom it was loathsome for the Egyptians to eat, even when meat was not on the menu. We usually associate Hebrew, or, Ivri, with Abraham who “came from the other side of the river (Rashi, Genesis 14:13 s.v. ‘HaIvri’),” and who, “Vaya’avor Avram ba’aretz,” “Abram passed into the land (Genesis 12:6),” a man who could pass through the land and insert his ideas on his way. Of course, there is that famous verse included in the Haggadah, “I took your forefather Abraham from beyond the river, mei’ever haNahar (Joshua 24:3).”

Jacob did some Ivri work: “When he took them and had them cross over the stream (32:24),” just before his life defining wrestling match with Esau’s angel.

Of course, we could not have the definitive Covenant Between the Pieces, with its prediction of the slavery in Egypt, without some Ivri action: “There was a smoky furnace and a torch of fire which passed between these pieces (15:17),” alluding, in part, to, you guessed it; leaving Egypt!

Since we are already rewinding; let’s go back even further in history to the Tower of Babel: “And to Shem, also to him were born; he was the ancestor of all those who lived on the other side (Genesis 10:21).” Shem even has a grandson named Eiver, the one with whom he establishes his famous Yeshiva at which both Isaac and Jacob studied. Eiver is also the man who prophesied that the population of the earth would be divided (Rashi, Genesis 10:25),” as a result of, “They said to one another (11:3), the same phrase usually used for Simeon and Levi (37:19, 42:21), in this case referring to Egypt (Rashi)!” [We will soon see that these are not simply interpolations] There was a split between Egypt and the Ivrim going back all the way to the Tower.

Why not go back even farther to the scene in the naked Noah’s tent, when Noah curses Canaan, and displaces his oldest son Ham, the father of Egypt (10:6), and gives the birthright of the firstborn – sound familiar? – to Shem, “The ancestor of all the Ivrim!”

The story of Joseph, Jacob, the brothers, Egypt and Pharaoh – the saga of the Egyptians versus the Ivrim goes way back in history! This, as the battle over the birthright, is the battle for supremacy; the course of humanity. A battle that began in the internal struggle of the first “outsider;” Adam outside the Garden of Eden. No wonder we need The Master of Memory to guide us!

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What was Abraham thinking? He was already famous as the person who defeated the Four Kings in battle. Abraham could not simply choose to settle anywhere without being perceived as a potential threat. Yet, he wants to move away from Sodom because the area has been devastated and he cannot spread his message of God. Did he believe that he could settle down, even temporarily, in Gerar, the land of the Philistines, without making Avimelech nervous? Abraham knew that his arrival would catch the king’s attention.

Abraham had no reason to be intimidated by Avimelech, and the Philistine King was probably desperate to establish peaceful relationships with this powerful personality. He had reason to want Abraham’s “sister” as a wife. What better way to form a bond with Abraham?

People were already nervous. A major commercial area, Sodom and her sister cities, had been destroyed, reminiscent in everyone’s mind of Noah’s Flood. When Abraham traveled, everyone knew. Reporters researched his background and probably uncovered the story of Pharaoh and Sarah. Avimelech had good reason to assume that Abraham, secure and strong, wouldn’t pull the same “sister” trick. What was Abraham thinking when he settled in Gerar? …when he presented Sarah as his sister?

The only hint we have of Abraham’s thinking is when he justifies his lie by saying, “There is no fear of the Lord in this place (20:11).” Abraham was the perfect person to consult about the Divine destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Avimelech’s first question should have been about the devastation, not peace treaties! The King had good reason to suspect that marrying Abraham’s sister wouldn’t help: Sodom was destroyed despite the fact that Abraham’s nephew, Lot, lived there. Avimelech doesn’t mention the terrifying destruction of Sodom. It’s as if he took it all in stride. Avimelech wasn’t paying attention. He learned nothing from Sodom. Abraham knew that there was no fear of the Lord in this place.

He suspected that Avimelech was someone who refused to learn from the past, so he pulled the same “sister” trick he had famously pulled in Egypt. He was right! Avimelech ignored all the press reports and chose to move ahead with his own agenda. Avimelech’s lack of fear of the Lord indicated a person who did not pay attention to the past. He would ignore Abraham’s great military victory.

Avimelech eventually considers the past: “At that time, Abimelech and Phicol, general of his legion, said to Abraham, ‘The Lord is with you in all that you do.” Rashi explains that they referred to Abraham’s victory over the Four Kings. “At that time,” only after Abraham exiled his son Yishmael, did Avimelech consider Abraham’s victory. Only then did Avimelech and his general consider the Lord. Why?

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“Good people strengthen themselves ceaselessly (Confucius).” My back is aching more than usual, and it’s my fault. I knew that if I would shovel the snow that fell over Shabbat  two weeks ago that my body would hurt. I was being a good person, as I cleared the snow (when my wife wasn’t watching) so that my wife could reach her car.

Then, my older neighbor, a doctor, mentioned to me that he exercises all year so that he can shovel the snow without hurting himself. I have not been regularly exercising to prepare for the winter, or even to strengthen my muscles to support my constantly aching back. I have not been ceaselessly strengthening myself; does that mean that I am not being the good person described by Confucius? Probably.

If I have to exercise to prepare for shoveling snow, I certainly have to exercise to be ready to be tested by God. I’ve been wondering whether this Spiritual Workout is what our Sages mean when they describe Abraham as tested ten times: The ten times that Israel tested God in the desert, are actually nine plus one that was more than the previous tests combined. The first nine tests were “tests” of how far Israel could go in testing God; they were all preparation for the tenth test. Abraham’s first nine tests were a spiritual workout, all meant to prepare him for the tenth and only test that truly mattered.

“He looked and saw the place from a distance,” can also mean that Abraham looked back on how far he had traveled through life to arrive at this test. He understood that all that preceded this moment was a complex workout to prepare him for the Akeidah.

We all feel tested by God, but I wonder how often we consider whether the immediate test is part of a spiritual workout, or the defining test. Failing a workout test, as the Ramban suggests Abraham did, is not a failure; it is a learning experience to train me for the defining test. The difference matters.

I think I’ll go exercise…

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It was the third day after Abraham was circumcised and he was in pain. So how do we explain what he does? He saw men approaching his tent. He ran to greet them and bowed before them. He ran to tell Sarah to make cakes, and again ran to take a calf to be slaughtered for a meal. He then carried the meal to the men and stood by them as they ate, in case they needed something else.

Wait a minute. What about the pain? Did it magically disappear?

The answer is one I experienced years ago. I was visiting a friend in the hospital, and he was in bad shape. During the first 20 minutes of my visit, he was in discomfort and hardly spoke. I was distressed. But then I asked if he wanted to hear an idea I had on the Torah reading. After saying my part, he began, in an animated voice, telling me his thoughts on the Torah reading. He became a different person. After 5 minutes, his wife looked at me in astonishment, and I gave her the same look. This was the antidote. He was focused on something he was passionate about, and he ignored or did not notice his discomfort.

Abraham did the same thing. The story also teaches us how to visit the sick and be helpful. Engage them in something that is their passion, and they will be their own pain killers.

I only notice them on Shabbat, up toward the ceiling; spiders. There’s nothing I can do about them because of Shabbat. I may not kill them, or even trap them to move them outside. I may not even plan to kill them after Shabbat, because one may not plan on Shabbat to do something that is forbidden on Shabbat.

I suspect that these spiders have spent so much time in the house listening to shiurim that they are experts in the laws of Shabbat. The spiders disappear immediately after Havdalah. They know that they are perfectly safe from me on Shabbat and Jewish festivals; yes, they also come out on those days, although, they avoid the living room on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur where we hold services. The spiders in my house are familiar with Halachah, respectful of prayer, and committed to test my observance.

I could, of course, determine that they are poisonous, finding justification to trap them, but they remain in one place all day and pose no threat. Perhaps they know even more Jewish law than I suspect. How sad that my biggest temptation to violate Shabbat has to do with spiders! The real test is not even the desire to kill them, but how they occupy my mind all day, disturb my peace. I have trouble maintaining my concentration for 25 hours because of tiny, albeit smart, spiders. I wonder how Abraham remained focused for 72 hours while headed to Moriah to offer Isaac to God.  The Midrash describes Satan as appearing as a huge river on the way, but I suspect that it was not a huge hindrance, but a series of minor distractions along the way, something such as, well, spiders. Abraham managed his spiders much better than do I.

Satan’s distractions were not intended to stop Abraham from offering Isaac, but from being able to make every moment of the three day trip part of the offering. I can attend prayers, properly celebrate the Shabbat meals, and still have hours of non-Shabbat, distracted from the nature of the day. You see, even when I am frustrated by spiders, I am thinking about Shabbat; how to apply her laws to the situation. The challenge is to focus even the most trivial concerns around Shabbat. Abraham could have remained in contact with his financial advisor even while traveling to Moriah, but he left his iPhone at home. He wanted to use every moment of the trip as part of his offering.

We tend to think of the Evil Inclination’s challenges as huge rivers and mountains and forget that he will take advantage of our concern for the big tests to distract us in small ways…with spiders.

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“Life is no brief candle for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations (George Bernard Shaw).”

This week we are introduced to the story of a man who changed history; he was a traveller, he insisted that marriages remain within the extended family, he was willing to sacrifice his child to his god:

“This is the account of Terah’s family line. Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran. And Haran became the father of Lot.  While his father Terah was still alive, Haran died in Ur of the Chaldeans, in the land of his birth.  Abram and Nahor both married. The name of Abram’s wife was Sarai, and the name of Nahor’s wife was Milkah; she was the daughter of Haran, the father of both Milkah and Iskah. Now Sarai was childless because she was not able to conceive.

Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram, and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan. But when they came to Harran, they settled there. Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Harran (Genesis 11:27-32).” The Midrash adds that Terah was born circumcised. It all sounds like someone else we know.

Terach’s son, Abraham, certainly managed to do all his father did, and to do it all in his own way. However, when Joshua, towards the end of his life, renews the covenant between God and Israel in Shechem, he indicates that Terach’s role is more than fathering Abraham:

“Then Joshua assembled all the tribes of Israel at Shechem. He summoned the elders, leaders, judges and officials of Israel, and they presented themselves before God.

Joshua said to all the people, “This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘Long ago your ancestors, including Terah the father of Abraham and Nahor, lived beyond the Euphrates River and worshiped other gods. But I took your father Abraham from the land beyond the Euphrates and led him throughout Canaan and gave him many descendants. I gave him Isaac, and to Isaac I gave Jacob and Esau. I assigned the hill country of Seir to Esau, but Jacob and his family went down to Egypt (Joshua 24:1-4).” We mention Terach as part of the Haggadah story. There seems to be more to him than we assume.

In a portion that includes the tale of the Tower of Babel, when all were united, we are introduced to a man who wants to make his own way: As soon as his children were married, “Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram, and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan.” Terach wanted to light a torch that would, “burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.” Something happened. Terach stopped. “But when they came to Harran, they settled there. Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Harran.” Terach wanted to make his own mark on the world, but he knew only that. He did not know what mark to make. He stopped in Harran, and there he died.

Terach was not his son, Abraham, who did know how he wanted to change the world, and yet, he is still remembered, because even an unfulfilled desire to move out on his own, to make a mark on the world, was sufficient to inspire Abraham to become the Patriarch of Israel.

Terach’s torch still burns in the souls of his descendants motivating them to move ahead and attempt to light their own torch. It was Abraham who taught us how to fuel the torch, and directed us in how to move without stopping in Harran.

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I’m still receiving questions about Halacha’s perspective on the deal to free Gilad Shalit. The answer is, “I’m not sure.” My question is, “Why are you asking now rather than five years ago?”

People are still asking me about the Halacha regarding the community’s response to sex abuse stories from a few years ago. My response is, “Rather than wait for the next tragic case, we should formulate a thorough Halachic system before we again are forced to face the issue.”

I am often asked to rule on complex business arrangements when partners are arguing. My response always begins, “Did you consult a Halachic authority before negotiating the terms of your partnership?”

When couples come to ask for Halachic guidance for their relationship, I ask, “Did you study the laws of marriage before you married?”

Why do we wait until after the fact to consult Halacha?

This is an ancient issue: We find no indication of Noah, during the 120 years he was working on the Ark, and the next year spent inside the Ark, asking God or even considering what he should do after the Flood. How does someone spend more than a century preparing for a Flood not plan for life afterward?

The Midrash teaches that Noah took a vine from the Garden of Eden to plant after the Flood, which is not planning anything other than attempting to recreate the world as it was before. The verse describes Noah as, “The man of the earth (9:20),” another Adam. Perhaps Noah believed that he, described by God as, “Righteous before Me (7:1),” could succeed where Adam failed. How does a man who believes and even plans to be the successful Adam end up, “drunk, and he uncovered himself within his tent”? The only thing at which Noah succeeds in contributing to the future is blessing and cursing his children. (Which, of course, raises the question of how does a failed Noah offer blessings that shape the future of mankind?) If Noah possessed such power, imagine what he could have accomplished with more planning, with guidance from God.

“But I will establish My covenant with you (6:18).” “And as for Me, behold, I establish My covenant with you and with your offspring after you (9:9).” God repeatedly speaks to Noach of the future, and yet, Noah does not respond with forward thinking. It’s as if Noah is stuck in his role of saving the remnant of the past and is unwilling, perhaps unable to plan. A person who is constantly looking at his previous roles, preserving the past, will not learn how to use the very strengths that allow him to save the world to build a new one. And that, is where the issue of when do we consult Halacha, comes into play.

The same people who wait to ask for Halachic guidance about negotiating with Hamas, responding to sexual abuse allegations, dealing with business conflict, and guidance in relationships, will ask about Shabbat, Kashrut and Family Purity, before a question arises. They approach Halacha that doesn’t challenge them to rethink all they are doing. They hesitate to ask Halacha about how to plan, how to challenge their perceptions, and how to recreate their world.

Couples will come to a rabbi to resolve a conflict about an offer of a new job that will demand more hours at work, allowing less time at home (a serious Halachic issue), after the job has been offered, rather than discuss the question before the husband starts looking for another job. Their decision that he has to look for another job has been made. They have made up their minds, and are unaware or unwilling to submit their decision to a Halachic perspective. They want to protect their decision from being challenged. Halacha is perceived as interference. They are willing to, “Walk with God 6:9),” as did Noah, unwilling to, “Walk before Me (17:1),” as did Abraham. They are interested in keeping their marriage steady. They do not hear Halacha’s call to make marriage extraordinary.

Halacha can be used to “walk with,” to help a person keep his life on a steady course, or it can be used to, “Walk before Me,” to consider new ways to approach life. When we examine a government’s decisions after they are made, we are sending a message that Halacha is another voice of criticism. We are failing to project Halacha as a vision of how we can approach future issues.

The question is not about the Halachic justification of the deal for Gilad. We dare not send him the message that his freedom was bought at the expense of Torah. Our challenge is to formulate a Halachic response that offers a serious option for the future. Abraham, the one who, “Walk(ed) before Me,” is the man of Halacha. Noah was not. He was a great man who saved the world, but he did not know how to build a new one.

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Was Abraham a good matchmaker? At first glance, what is the question? After all, Eliezer does find a good match for Isaac.

If we look a little closer, Eliezer realized he needed more information about the woman. Abraham told him not to pick from a Canaanite woman because he did not like their ethical standards. So he sent Eliezer with a charge to pick from his family’s household in Nahor

So why doesn’t Eliezer just go to Nahor and ask someone where the family resides? Why does he go where everyone from the town congregates? Why does he ask for a sign? And why is the sign specifically an act of kindness? Kindness is a good thing. But maybe Isaac, being a sheltered person, needed a woman with street smarts.

Perhaps the answer is as follows. Abraham had been away from his hometown and family for many decades. He had a good situation in his family and his hometown and was away for a long time. However, not being in the town and with the family, he did not know what the situation was now. How could he? So, according to Abraham’s instructions, whoever was from the family would have been a good match.

However, Eliezer did not see it that way. He wanted a sign that whoever was chosen needed to be on the ethical level Abraham sought in a wife for Isaac.

But why did he pick kindness?

Because ethics deals with relations with other people. And people who are kind have an outer focus. They look and see what is needed for the other person, not for themselves, and they act accordingly. That is the type of person Eliezer understood would be good for Isaac. And why did Eliezer understand that very well? Because Eliezer was a faithful servant. And a servant is someone who is focused on the other person and is there to serve the other person. The same type of focus that is the essence of a kind person.

An important lesson we learn is not to idealize the past. We may have had a wonderful childhood in a particular city. And having not lived there for a while we continue to view the city in past terms. But perhaps this city devolved into a dangerous place.

The lesson is important. Those things and thoughts and ideas that have worked for us in the past may not be appropriate for our present situation. So we need to reevaluate what we are doing on a constant basis. One time we all do this is on Rosh Hashanah. But what about the rest of the year? How can we institute an ongoing review? It is too intense to do on a weekly basis.

But the calendar comes to our rescue. The new month. Once a month we can sit down for a few minutes and evaluate the last month. What has been working? What has not been working?

Ask a friend to help you with this. Just like Eliezer was a good friend to Abraham by realizing what needed to be changed, a good friend can help you.

Make a good match for yourself. Match yourself with a realistic and doable month.

A world you would share with Logan Killicks is evidently not the same world you would share with Vergible “Tea Cake” Woods. In “Their Eyes Were Watching God,” Zora Neale Hurston tells the story of Janie’s progress through three marriages: “She knew that God tore down the old world every evening and built a new one by sun-up. It was wonderful to see it take form with the sun and emerge from the gray dust of its making. The familiar people and things had failed her so she hung over the gate and looked up the road towards way off.”

People who love Hurston will probably enjoy “Middlemarch,” itself a story of a girl who takes some time to find the man she really loves. It is about the discovery of self in and through another. (Zadie Smith: “Changing My Mind”)

Whenever I sing “Eishet Chayil,” “A woman of valor; who can find?” I cannot help but think whether we are familiar with the idea of “discovering ourselves in and through an other,” in this case, a spouse, more specifically; a wife.

Perhaps we can translate the opening verse of the song (not the opening verse of the final chapter of Proverbs) as, “Who has learned to find himself in his relationship with his wife of valor?”

We understandably fear teaching this aspect of relationship lest we fall into the same trap as Hurston’s Janie, and Rand’s Dagny Talbot. We certainly do not want our children to feel that they can flit and float from one relationship to another as they find someone who will help them discover new and different parts of themselves.

However, the Sages teach that the search for the right partner in life is a search for self; “As a person searching for something precious that he lost.” His soul knows that there is that perfect soulmate, and searches for her. The soul searches for the person who mill complete him. King Solomon, he with the thousand wives, insisted on speaking of finding and discovery in marriage.

We encourage our children to search for the right Shidduch, their “Bashert,” as they say, but we do not teach them how to join in a process of self-discovery, the process meant by Solomon’s challenge, “A woman of valor; who can find?”

When the Midrash Tanchumah describes this chapter as Abraham’s eulogy for Sarah, they are describing one of the most accomplished human beings in history insisting that he became who he was – he discovered himself – only through Sarah. He could no longer be a searcher or discoverer. Abraham had to send Eliezer to find a wife for Isaac.

Let us read this chapter so familiar from Shabbat meals and weddings as a guide to using marriage as a process of discovery:

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Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.

Isaac is spared at the last moment. And we read that Abraham was blessed. And many people think that Abraham gets the blessing because he was willing to sacrifice his son. But let’s look at the sequence of events.

The angel says to Abraham, “Lay not  your hand upon the boy, for now I know you fear G-d”. That is all that is said to Abraham.  Then Abraham takes the ram and  offers  it as a burnt offering. Only then does Abraham get the blessing: that his seed will be multiplied, and through his seed all the nations will be blessed.

If Abraham had not offered the ram, it seems like there would have been no blessing. Why does Abraham only get the blessing after he offers the ram?

Perhaps the answer is as follows.

When Abraham was told not to sacrifice Isaac, nothing happens. That was what the angel said. Do not do anything. When Abraham sacrifices the ram, something happens. This foreshadows all of the negative and positive commandments. Some things you do not do. It produces bad results. And so it is a mitzvah not to do certain things.

But being passive does not produce results. It does not help people or advance knowledge or relationships. It does not build housing nor produce food. There needs to be positive movement. There needs to be action.

If you look closely at the 22nd chapter, verse 16 and 17, it is spelled out. It says, “because you have done this thing AND not withheld your son, I will greatly bless you”.

The practical application is clear. To be a good person you need to not only not do bad, you need to do good. You need to actively search out and recognize the good things to be done, just as Abraham looked at the ram and recognized a good thing to be done.

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