Rabbi Peter Grumbacher is a Reform rabbi in Wilmington, Delaware. In 1995, Rabbi Grumbacher’s mother passed away in New York City. So the next day he and his father were sitting with the funeral director. The man was taking professional notes on the information the Grumbachers were giving him. At one point, the funeral director excused himself and left the room. After he had gone, the father turned to the son and said, “I do not like this man”. The Rabbi said to his father, “why not, dad?” His father replied, “He treats your mother like a slice of white bread”. At that moment the Rabbi said to himself, “I found the solution to my dilemma”.

What was the dilemma?

There was one undertaker in the state of Delaware who Rabbi Grumbacher knew was the most compassionate of all the undertakers. Alan Schoenberg. He would be the best person to attend to the funerals of the loved ones of his congregation. But you are not supposed to stand up and recommend one over the other. And for years, he was trying to figure out how to make his case. And now he had his case.

He waited until Yizkor. With a packed synagogue he told the story of his father and the undertaker in New York. And then he said, “Alan Schoenberg will never treat your loved ones like a slice of white bread”.

At home later breaking his fast, the Rabbi received a phone call from Alan. Alan was at someone else’s break fast with a number of people from Rabbi Grumbacher’s synagogue. And Alan told the rabbi people were talking about him.

Guess what happened? If you drew a graph showing use of Alan, the first part of the graph would be a flat line at the bottom. But after the Rabbi’s talk, the line slanted sharply upward and went off the charts.

The Rabbi told this story at Alan’s funeral. I was moved. When I went home to New York something bothered me. I had a question. And I did something I had never done before. I called the Rabbi to ask him a question. “Rabbi, you said for years you had this dilemma. Do you have any idea how many years you had the dilemma”?

The Rabbi answered,“Yes, I do. I came to Delaware in 1972 and after I had met all the undertakers and worked with them, I saw Alan was the most compassionate. But I knew if I did not say the right thing I would not get the result I wanted for my congregation”. It took me until 1995 to find the correct words.

23 years! 23 years!!!!!

For 23 years a Rabbi kept his mouth shut. Because he understood that what he said had to have the desired result. This man understood the purpose of communication. To get a result. Not to talk. To get a result.

To get a result, you have to not only want to do the right thing. You need to do it the right way. Otherwise, the situation does not improve. And many times, you can make it worse.

When he finally had his case, he waited . Again. Not for the next Shabbat sermon. Not for the next holiday. For Yom Kippur, When he could reach the most people. Again, discipline. Understanding that the right words to the right audience at the right time will achieve maximum results.

How many of us open our mouths oh, too quickly. How many of us talk to hear ourselves talk? How many of us talk to feel superior to the person we are talking to? How many of us talk to embarrass the person we are talking to? How many of us use words unwisely, and unwell?

Today we are in the middle of the days of atonement. On Yom Kippur, we will say the confession. There is a long list. 46 sins. Look at the list. Something will jump out at you. A theme. 14 of the 46 have to do with the sins we commit with our mouths. Almost 1/3 of the entire list has to do with speech. I never noticed this before. But preparing this talk made me go to the list and I discovered something new. One of the major themes of this holiday is how we use our speech. A major theme. One third of all the confession.

There is a reason it is a major theme. Some sins take a lot of effort to commit. Theft. But if you want a quick fix when you want to do a sin, use your mouth. It’s handy, it’s quick and in no time poof! Sin! Mission accomplished.

We all know it’s very easy to do this. We speak without thinking. We can’t keep our mouth shut. We can’t wait to talk. It’s natural. And it can cause many problems.

So what is the solution?

The Rabbi Grumbacher 23… seconds of silence. This rule teaches us that when we want to say something we STOP………..for 23 seconds. And we consider the following: What do I want to achieve? Will this have a positive effect? What state of mind am I in and what state of mind is the person I’m talking to in? Will the words I use and the tone I use achieve what I want? If the answer is no…..shh. Be quiet.

If you find this tough to do, think of 23 years. 23 seconds is nothing compared to 23 years. Do you want to have the type of success Rabbi Grumbacher had? Take 23 seconds.

But of course there is the recurring problem of taking what we want to do when we think about next year and actually implementing it . How do you do that? Even the most sincere people find themselves slipping back into the old ways a few days after Yom Kippur. So how can we make this part of a concentrated effort in the new year?

For those of you who pray every day it is easy. At the end of every Amidah we say “guard our tongue from speaking evil”. So I suggest, in your prayer book , put in a sticker in with “23 seconds of silence” to focus you to think about the upcoming day’s key conversations and whether you should be talking or not.

But what if you don’t pray every day or even come to the synagogue once a week. It’s okay. You still have an option. Do you make a to do list every day? Put it on your to do list. Right between latte and laundry. And write it 5 times as large as the other things on the list. And don’t cross it off the list. It is to remind you all day long.

But Gerald, you ask, isn’t this a lot of work? Every day? Answer. No. You talk all the time. Take 23 seconds to think about all the time you talk and whether you’re going to get yourself in trouble, get other people in trouble, get nothing done, or get a positive result.

Every time I tell this story, I am reinspired.

I’ve heard many people speak. I’ve heard many Rabbis speak.

But I’ve never heard anyone not speak… for 23 years.

And then speak.

And be so spectacularly successful

We can take 23 seconds

We can think before we speak.

And decide whether it is time to speak, or be silent.

When we do decide to speak, we will have the possibility of being spectacularly successful

Let us keep in mind what Thrasea, the mildest of men and for that reason also the greatest, often used to say: “Who hates faults, hates mankind.”

- Pliny the Younger, Letters 8.22.2-3

Especially our own faults!

I picture the moment when Chana stoop up to Eli, and defended herself from his confused accusations, as the moment when she stopped hating her failings, and ceased to hate herself.

Her prayers were heard only once she stopped hating herself.

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Checkerboard pieces are indifferent. Dice are indifferent. How do I know in what way they will fall? But once the dice have fallen, to use that cast carefully and skillfully –that is indeed my business.

So also in life, the central task is this: distinguish things, stand them apart, and say, “externals are not in my power; the ability to choose is in my power. Where shall I search after the good and the bad? Within, in what belongs to me.”

But in what is foreign to you, never call anything either good or bad, or profit or loss, or anything like that.

- Epictetus, Discourses 2.5.3-5

“And so, too, the righteous will see and be glad, the upright will exult, and the devout will be mirthful with glad song. Iniquity will close its mouth and all wickedness will evaporate like smoke, when You will remove evil’s domination from the earth.”

The paragraph’s final phrase implies that there are different stages in the end of evil: 1) “You will remove evil’s domination from the earth,” 2) “Iniquity will close its mouth,” and, 3) “Wickedness will evaporate like smoke.” What are the three stages?

1) “When You will remove evil’s domination,” begins when we can recognize that evil is foreign to us: “But in what is foreign to you, never call anything either good or bad, or profit or loss, or anything like that.” We do not need to declare something as evil, but as foreign, not pertinent or meaningful.

We define one of the three major evils as Avodah Zarah, or, worship which is strange to us. Evil’s domination begins with distraction. The Evil Inclination wants us to search out the unnecessary and unimportant so that we lose perspective, and cannot focus on what is important for us.

The moment we realize that its temptations are foreign, we have ended its domination, but not it’s power.

2) “Iniquity will close its mouth,” when we stop paying attention to all of the Evil Inclination’s “well-meaning” seductions. We only stop listening when we realize that the Yetzer Harah is indifferent to us. It doesn’t care about us. It cares for us no more than does a checkerboard piece or dice: “Checkerboard pieces are indifferent. Dice are indifferent.”

3) “And all wickedness will evaporate like smoke,” when we realize that, “I have the internal power to choose. I am responsible for my choices. My work must begin within me.” Evil will disappear when we say, “So also in life, the central task is this: distinguish things, stand them apart, and say, “externals are not in my power; the ability to choose is in my power. Where shall I search after the good and the bad? Within, in what belongs to me.”

The last time I can recall being looked at with such an unbearable hatred was when a gang of Muslims sent two dogs after me in Cologne, Germany, yelling, “Raus, Juden!” That is, until early this morning as Debbie and I were waiting in line at the security checkpoint in Newark Airport.”

The intense emotions immediately began to define my mood. I was angry, resentful and shaken. I personalized the experience and in doing so gave it dominion over me. I turned to the man who was still behind me in line, continuing to stare at me with pure hate, and laughed. I immediately regained control over my mood.

I wondered whether the man was still trying to drill holes in my back with the hatred in his eyes, so I turned around. The minute he saw that I didn’t care, he forgot about me. He was as indifferent as a checkerboard piece or dice. He only cared as long as I gave him the power to bother me..

The entire episode was an internal process. I quickly realized that I had chosen how to react from beginning to end.

How many of the issues I allow to fester in my gut are exactly the same; external, indifferent distractions from assuming Responsibility for my internal process?

How many of my desires for things I don’t need, things that can be dangerous to me, share those same qualities?

I find it interesting that this paragraph of the Rosh Hashanah Amidah begins, “”And so, too, the righteous will see and be glad, the upright will exult, and the devout will be mirthful with glad song.” The clarity necessary to fight the ether Harah, and for the victory that ensues, can only begin when we have found joy in our service of God.

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The preacher Harry Williams believed:

“We all have experience of two types of feeling. There is the feeling which unites us to our world and makes us rejoice in it, an experience of love, of acceptance, of communion. And there is the other kind of feeling which separates us from our world and makes us hate it, an experience of fear, of exile, of discord.

The first of these feelings belongs more truly to us than the second. We are profoundly satisfied by love and communion. We are exasperated by exile and hatred…

The difference between these two types of feeling is the difference between good and evil and evil is secondary, existing not in its own right but as thwarted goodness. ”

I observed people while waiting to be called for my flight. Some people, the ones my wife calls, “All American,” as praise, are warm and social. They are comfortable initiating conversation, sharing life information, and casually laughing and teasing. They are “Connectors,” who lived the “United,” in the U.S.

Then there are the others who, not because they are shy or withdrawn, keep others at a distance. They prefer separation to connection.

When we articulate the Rosh Hashanah version of the world, we speak of unity and connection. We believe tat unity is the natural state.

It’s worthwhile to include some reflection on whether we are primarily connectors or distancers in our Teshuva process. We must first understand and desire to be connectors before we can say, “And they will form on tightly bound group to do Your will with a full heart.” If we are distancers we will never be able to join with a full heart. Saying these words will only distance us from ourselves.

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There is always a moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in…

– Graham Greene: The Power and the Glory

As wonderful as my children are, the only time they were perfect was the first time I held them in my arms. It was before they ever woke me up. It was before they ever cried and cried without telling me what was wrong. It was before they ever misbehaved. They were perfect that first moment, never since.

Rosh Hashanah is the parallel moment, when we can reconnect to that moment when we were just perfect, and our parents held us with pure joy, filled with dreams.

My childhood dreams had a magical quality that is usually missing from my current dreams: they were more perfect. There was no doubt or hesitation. Nothing was impossible.

They had another quality that is often absent from my more “mature” dreams; they always had that sense, described by Greene as “letting the future in,” not opening the door so that I could step forward into the future. I was waiting for the future to come to me. These days, I wait for the doors to the future to open for me to step through.

What’s the difference?

It is the difference between Yishmael and Yitzchak: Yishmael is the archer, or hunter, looking beyond what he has to what he imagines, the 72 virgins that speak of a better afterlife. Yitzchak rejoices in every moment as it happens filled with promise and potential. He sees the future as part of what he currently has, not a fantasy that will never be anything more than unfulfilled.

Rosh Hashanah is that perfect childhood moment when we can allow the future to come to us, to empower our present, to energize what we are currently doing. We are not waiting for the coming year to happen. We are creating the coming year in this moment.

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How a pile of pillows taught me how to repair my Tzitzit:

Debbie and I had to be in the airport at 6am, and we had worked until 2am, so we shoved the basics into our suitcases and rushed to the airport. I unpacked this morning to find that I had stuffed the wrong Tzitzit into the bag. My sister-in-law had washed them, and, unfamiliar with Tzitzit, put them in the dryer. All the strings are tangled. I sat down on the bed and began to untangle, straighten, and retie the strings. I wasn’t happy.

I guess my impatience with having to untangle all the strings distracted me from the Mitzvah because I noticed that the bed was surprisingly comfortable even when sitting and unwinding tightly tangled strings.

Our hostess is a genius of Chesed: She placed a bunch of pillows on the bed, each one a different type and size. We could combine them into whatever is most comfortable for us. I laid out all the pillows on the bed and, unlike most of us, who simply place pillows on the bed, our hostess provided sizes, shapes, different types, all color coded. It was clear that she pays attention to every detail of her guests’ comfort.

Here I was, sitting on a bed that reflected attention to detail, repairing Tzitzit, with not so great attention to detail, but there was another difference; I want to only wear Tzitzit that are Halachically perfect. Our hostess wanted everything to be perfect for her guests.

I decided to emulate our hostess, and focused on the Tzitzit being perfect, not for me, but for the Mitzvah. Who knew what you could learn from a pile of pillows!

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A more earthbound version of the Devil appears in Dostoevsky’sThe Brothers Karamazov. His character Ivan had a very strong sense of the earth’s evil. Unable to bear the thought of being his father’s murderer, he is overtaken by a bout of fever. In his delirium Ivan meets the Devil in person:

“He was a gentleman, or rather a peculiarly Russian sort of gentleman, qui frisat la cinquantaine, going a little gray, with long thick hair and a pointed beard. He was wearing a brown jacket, well cut enough but already rather the worse for wear, at least three years old and thus completely out of fashion.

His linen and his long cravat all spoke of the well-dressed man, but on closer inspection the linen revealed itself as of a dubious cleanliness, and the cravat as much soiled. His check trousers sat well on him, but they were too light and too close-fitting – the sort nobody wears nowadays; his hat was a white felt one, quite out of keeping with the season. In short, a dandy fallen on bad times.

He looked like one of those landed proprietors who flourished during the days of serfdom; he had lived in good society, but bit by bit, impoverished by his youthful dissipations and the recent abolition of serfdom, he had become a sort of high-class sponger, admitted into the society of his former acquaintances because of his pliable disposition, as a man one need not be ashamed to know, whom one can invite to meet anybody, only fairly far down the table.”

He is unable to bear the thought of being his father’s murderer, and Ivan pictures the devil as faded gentleman, comfortable to invite to any celebration, as long as he sits “fairly far down the table!” I would imagine the devil who can seduce a son to kill his father as powerful, seductive, wealthy, attractive, but certainly not comfortable!

I think of the devil who pushed Peninah to use her religion and connection with God to do anything at all to get Chanah to pray for a child, even verbal torture, as the comfortable fellow in Ivan’s dream. It is the Yetzer Harah of comfortable beliefs practiced without thinking in ways that can hurt others almost kill!

I was sitting in synagogue and overheard someone say to a rabbi, “I really need to speak to you?”

“Why?”

“I love you and respect you and may have done an indirect wrong. Please, please, can I talk to you?”

“Don’t worry, I forgive you,” and he walked away. His student was heartbroken.

The rabbi had an opportunity to teach and heal. His comfortable belief that we should all be naturally forgiving, hurt his student. The student was so hurt that he has not spoken to the rabbi in three years. The faded but comfortable devil stood at a safe distance and smiled.

Sarah observed Hagar’s “laughing,” and the Midrash seems to take that laugh on a roller-coaster of sins, from idol worship to adultery and murder. The Sages understood that the most dangerous devil is in the comfortable laugh, who doesn’t frighten us, in faded glory, and sitting at a distance. Long before Dostoyevsky, the Sages understood that the Devil who can convince Ivan to murder his own father, only gets a chuckle from us when we see him.

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Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.

I am honored to present another Reb Sam Glaser essay with practical meaning for Elul and Rosh Hashanah. Keep ‘em coming Reb Sam!

When my first child was two years old I cut off our TV.  He was more interested in Pokemon than playing with me.  The decision was rash and spontaneous but I’m confident it was the right move. We never turned it back on although we do have a nice projector system for the occasional family movie night.  Whenever I mention this to anyone they often say, “Wow…I wish we could do that!”  And I respond, “Well, you can.  You just have to stop paying your cable bill.”  They usually respond with resignation, “Boy, I wish we could do that.” 

 

My song Hineni (Here I am) was my first hit in the Jewish world.  I deeply resonate with the idea that just like our biblical heroes we are waiting to be called upon to make a difference, either by God, a community leader or a friend in need.  I believe that we are hard wired to say, “YES!  I’m ready and willing to do something meaningful, something great.”  Rashi, the master commentator states that Hineni implies z’rizut, or intense readiness to perform the commandments.  Hineni is our code word to get off the couch, to maximize our limited time on this planet.

Nike nailed this concept with their Just Do It campaign.  There’s no such thing as “maybe next week” when it comes time for your workout.  You can’t delegate going to a yoga or kickboxing class.  We either carve out time in our busy schedule to make it to the gym or it’s never going to happen.  We may intuit this truth in terms of our physical fitness but fall short in our spiritual fitness.  The problem is that we don’t keep our life goals in our day-to-day consciousness.  As Stephen Covey reminds, we have to spend time in the important/not urgent quadrant.  In other words, if we are always running short on time, living in a state of panic, we never do get to those crucial items on our Bucket List. 

 

I feel blessed that I had the opportunity to work for my father in the garment business for five years.  We had factories in over a dozen countries making merchandise for chain stores and department stores across the US; that meant managing hundreds of purchase orders at any given time.  We all had computers on our desks to oversee the flow of production…all of us except my dad who had everything in his head!  Our company was compelled to branch out into overseas manufacturing when imports started flowing into the US during the Reagan years.  That was also the time when the business started to unravel.  There were too many details to manage, too many poor quality and late delivery emergencies and our traditional business model for over thirty years turned into “management by crisis.”  The problem with this situation is that one loses the ability to execute plans for the future when mired in present chaos.

 

I think I understood the importance of crisis avoidance as a freshman at the University of Colorado.  I figured out that I could schedule my classes only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I was a double major in business and music so that meant two very intense days each week given my load of over twenty units each semester. But this binge allowed me to have 4-day weekends over the next three years of my college career, essential to maximizing my ski/wilderness time.  My secret was getting ahead and staying ahead.  I would study in my special spot in the Norlin Library periodicals room where no one could find me.  Anywhere else inevitably resulted in social hour.  Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I was the most boring, focused overachiever you would ever meet.  At the end of my Thursday night study session, all hell broke loose.

 

I still apply this method to my life.  My wife still questions why I must work such crazy hours on my CDs, at the peril of my sleep requirements and overall health.  But I set goals with deadlines that are very real for me, even though to an outsider they seem imaginary.  If I get to Shabbat without reaching my self-imposed quota, I feel a bit unfulfilled whereas those weeks when I nail the workload I feel like a rock star.  I try to jump into the hardest recording or bookkeeping work before the fun stuff like checking social emails or Facebook.  I make the scariest phone calls first, those where in all likelihood I’ll get NO as the answer.  I have a theory in life that if you don’t ask, you don’t get.  This can be as simple as asking someone, when the lighting is just right, if they mind if you take their picture.  Or as challenging as calling that benefactor for a grant for a new music project.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who perceives that the web can be our greatest ally or waste hours of our precious time.  I guess the key is retaining surfing, both virtual and oceanic, as the reward to a good session of focused achievement.

 

Another obstacle to the Just Do It theory of fulfillment is “waiting for that big break.”  Fill in the blanks: I’ll feel good about myself when _________, or I’ll take that great vacation when _________, or I’m saving this outfit for ____________.  I’m writing this essay in the High Sierras, in Mammoth Lakes, CA, one of the most beautiful spots on the planet.  Outside my window I see snow capped peaks, horses grazing on an endless meadow, the deepest blue skies punctuated by dirigible-shaped lenticular clouds on the horizon.  The only reason I’m here is because I know that I need these regular wilderness moments in my life to survive and I therefore schedule them like I would anything in my calendar.  I don’t have “time” to do this, but I feel so clearly that THIS is why God gave me the gift of “time” in the first place.  Also, we had an epic winter that is still actively pressing into June.  The third biggest annual snowfall of all-time and counting!  But the skiing won’t last forever.  One great way to prioritize is to make an accounting of which of your needs is the most perishable.  Can’t afford a vacation?  Don’t postpone…go camping!  Have a favorite suit or dress that you are saving?  An expensive bottle of wine?  Uncork it tonight, put on that outfit, crank up the stereo and DANCE around the house!

 

Our sages give us a simple list of those spiritual goals that are ignored at our peril. According to the prophet Micha, “What does God demand from you?  Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.”  I elaborated on acots of lovingkindness kindness and ego nullification in my Where is God essay, but suffice it to say that time must taken in our daily rat race to do for someone other than yourself or your own family, which is really just an extension of yourself.  As I write this I realize that I am so guilty of this MY-opia.  Another essential spiritual pleasure is learning Torah everyday.  We float in a transcendent conversation with the Almighty by speaking our innermost thoughts in our prayers.  But we hear God respond to us in our learning.  We are reminded in the siddur that the study of Torah is equal to the performance of ALL the other 612 commandments. Just opening a Chumash and keeping up with the portion of the week is step one. Attending a weekly class is step two.  Having a learning partner who forces you to show up and struggle with text is next.  Bottom line is that none of the above will happen without conscious programming into a busy week.

 

We don’t own our time. We are all here on loan from the Creator of the Universe.   I know it’s tacky but “The present is a gift.  That’s why it’s called the present.”  Obsessed with your past?  Get over it!  What do you need to do in this life?  Just imagine you are leaving this world tomorrow…what are the immediate regrets in your heart? Another method is to write your own obituary. Do you focus on the great restaurants you’ve visited or the people whose lives you’ve enhanced?  God keeps us guessing regarding our lifespan. Our sages admonish us to make sure we repent (better translated as “to come close to God”) one day before we die.  Since we don’t know when that will be, make this the day to thank God, love God, talk to God. God created the universe for our pleasure.  What is your pleasure? Yes, a good movie, New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream and surfing the web are all pleasurable.  But deep pleasure, true “nachas” is what we’re after.  Make that list, prioritize and Just Do It!

sam@samglaser.com

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Some people laugh and enjoy my Curious George t-shirt while others think it looks ridiculous. I don’t care. I am wearing it on my morning walks to help me prepare for Rosh Hashana.

The Curious George books did not hold my attention for too long when I was very young. A student in my father’s yeshiva in Toronto, who now heads his own yeshiva, gave me a stuffed Curious George monkey when I turned four years old. I loved it. It made me feel that perhaps I really was a normal kid. I took it with me everywhere except to synagogue. My father didn’t think it was appropriate.

One morning, while I was praying, a career criminal in a clear crime wave stole my Curious George. I should have taken him into synagogue with me in order to protect him from such violent criminals. (Do you see what happens when you don’t go to synagogue?) My world of innocence was shattered. It was difficult to fathom that such evil existed in the world. It may have been possible in New York, but certainly not in Toronto, and unquestionably not in a Yeshiva! The world lost much of its purity on that morning. I had failed where the Man in the Yellow Hat never had; I wasn’t able to rescue Curious George.

My sister-in-law heard the story and bought a Curious George t-shirt for me as a 48th birthday gift. The shirt makes me feel just as I did 46 years ago. It may not be as mushy and squeezable as my stuffed toy, but it certainly brings back the memories. I can’t reclaim the innocence but it is joyous and soothing to recall those feelings of a world in which people do not steal Curious George toys.

Those recalled feelings of innocence and purity are what help me prepare for Rosh Hashana – the birthday of Adam. There is no innocence as perfect as that of a newborn baby. He or she has yet to wake you in middle of the night. You haven’t even changed a single diaper. Everything is perfect. The parents focus only on their dreams for their perfect child. They conveniently ignore that one day, this absolutely innocent and pure baby will become a human being.

That is exactly how I imagine God’s perspective of me on Rosh Hashana: a perfectly pure and innocent newborn, focusing on all His dreams for me. Even if it’s only for a moment or two, it is great to reconnect to that absolute innocence and remember that it is still alive somewhere inside of me.

Curious George now comes to synagogue with me. Not the doll, and certainly not the t-shirt, but in that warm and fuzzy feeling of innocence that changes the way I see the world and myself.

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Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.

Both the father and his son were different: The father prayed for years to have a child. I knew from numerous conversations that, no matter how much he wanted a child, he was even more desperate for his wife to bear a child. I observed him three times a day at prayer and could see his palpable desperation. Many of us who watched the consistent intensity and power of his prayers, were moved to pray for him and inspired to become better prayors.

His wife gave birth to a son almost twelve years after they married. I recall his words at the Brit Milah: “Our son is living proof of the power of prayer. Thank You, God, and thank you to all who prayed for us. My wife and I pledge to always try to interact with our son as the answer to our prayers.”

The baby is almost thirty years old. I watched him grow up, and carefully observed the interaction between father and son. The father kept the pledge he made at the Brit; he related to his son as the answer to tens of thousands of prayers. He had suffered for this b child. He had fought hard for this child. His relationship with his son is different.

The son is also different. He has been a powerful davener since he first opened a Siddur. He knows how to fight to get what he wants. He is not fazed by suffering.

I imagine that a Yitzchak Avinu (Isaac the Patriarch) who suffered and prayed for ten years before his sons were born was different from a Yitzchak who is simply granted a child. His relationship with his children is different, probably the source of his love for Eisav.

Both Eisav and Jacob are fighters. Both are familiar with suffering. Eisav was more fighter, while Jacob was more the man of prayer.

The Zohar teaches that Jacob stole the month of Elul from Eisav. The month has Eisav’s power to fight, Jacob’s power of prayer, and the ability to steal opportunities, and combine the fighting and the prayer.

Fighting, praying, stealing, and combining all three, are exactly the qualities we need in the month before Rosh Hashanah, as we review the past year and worry about the next.

We must fight ourselves as we confront our Evil Inclination. We must battle against the sense of lost causes just as the father fought for a child despite being told by one doctor after another that it was a lost cause. Yitzchak fought for a child when others would have given up on their lost cause. There is always a part of the Teshuva process that confronts the Lost Cause: we find ourselves facing sins and mistakes that are all too familiar, sins for which we have repented last year and the year before and the year before that. How many times can we face the same sins without feeling that we are a lost cause.

At this point we must call on the fighter of Elul. We call on the fighter who specializes in battling lost causes.

We use prayer to fight. We use prayer to overcome the sense of lost causes and transform the sins and patterns of sin into growth; we steal those moments back from the Eisavs of the world.

This is our final week of fighting, praying, and stealing. I wish us great success.

Please don’t tell Marshall and Ellie about this; I don’t want them to worry while I am staying in their home. (I did notice some extra locks.)

Author Info:
Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.