I had a strange experience today as I was hooked up to my IV. I closed my eyes to rest and listened to the pumping action of the IV, which usually helps me fall asleep. This time my mind played a powerful trick on me. As all the medications began to take effect and I fell into a deep and relaxed state, I felt as if I was back in the Medizinshe Hochshule Hannover in Germany, listening to the same sound of a machine pumping all sorts of things into me to keep me alive. All the fears, pain, loneliness, and frustration came back with a bang.

I had successfully repressed all those feelings while in Germany simply to keep my spirits up and maintain whatever I joy I could find in my existence. I was so successful at repressing those negative feelings that I have never thought about them until today. They were intense, almost overpowering.

How should I deal with all the repressed feelings of so long ago?

“Then any of the diseases that I placed in Egypt, I will not bring upon you, for I am God, your healer.” (Exodus 15:26) We understand that ‘diseases placed on Egypt ‘ as the plagues, but perhaps there is an additional meaning.

The Children of Israel suffered through many years of horror. Perhaps, they too, as did I, repressed the worst parts as their coping mechanism. If they looked back with fondness at any time in their recent history in Egypt, they were repressing memories. The repressed memories, not matter how well hidden, are diseases that can eat away at us. They are diseases which disconnect us from ourselves and prevent us from developing real relationships.

God was also referring to those diseased memories, promising His people a life in which they would not have to repress painful experiences. Once they learned to live without repressing the negative, the past would reappear, and God promises, “I am God, your Healer,” Who will heal those memories.

Marah was not only a bitter tree (Mechilta) that made the water sweet, it was also a promise, that God would sweeten those memories and turn them into something good, just as He did for me today, when he used those memories to offer another way read these verses.

This has transformed my recitation of the 8th blessing of the Amidah: Refaeinu – Heal Us. The bitter has become sweet.

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What did Joseph feel at the moment that he revealed himself to his brothers? Was there a sense of relief? Was there anyone else in the world with whom he could be himself? Were there others who could understand Yosef as a human being, the son of Jacob, the dreamer, the Jew, better than his brothers?

Joseph functioned at incredibly high levels for at least nine years as viceroy of Egypt. He had to live as an Egyptian. He had to live as royalty. He could not ever share with anyone that he had always dreamed of achieving this position. He could not admit to anyone that one of his dreams was realized when his brothers bowed to him as they came for bundles of grain. There were innumerable layers and levels to Joseph that could only be shared with his brothers.

Perhaps this is why he can say, “I am Joseph!” only to his brothers. He was not Joseph until he was unmasked.

Is there anyone in our lives to whom we can say, “I am me?”

Perhaps this is why the Sages explain “Vaigash” – the approach at the beginning of the portion – as a form of prayer: We can use prayer to unmask ourselves and say to the One, Who truly understands, “I am me!”

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The New York streets I remembered were filled with people talking to themselves and wildly gesticulating.

The taxi driver who drove me to the airport at the conclusion of my first visit to Lincoln Square Synagogue pointed out all the people walking around with Walkmans, earphones in their ears and shut off from the rest of the world. “I prefer the people who talk to themselves than to live in a city in which everyone shuts everyone else out,” he said. (This was a time when most taxi drivers were struggling college students.)

Well, I think his wish came true. Wherever I go I see people with flashing blue lights in a weird contraption hanging on an ear, shouting, pleading, laughing, talking and gesticulating wildly. They don’t seem to be talking to anyone in particular. I never know if someone is talking to me or some ethereal spirit called iPhone.

They are all talking again, but they seem even more shut off from the world than they did in the good old days of the Walkman!

I was ruminating on all this on my way to synagogue. I wrapped myself in my Tallit and Tefillin, and services began. You won’t believe what happened!

There were no flashing blue lights in their ears, but everyone began talking, seemingly to themselves, many gesticulating, some were almost dancing, most were swaying back and forth. Everyone was carrying on private conversations with someone not readily visible; Did I feel as if I were back on a busy Manhattan street?

No. Each person was carrying on a private conversation, but no one was shutting out the rest of us. In fact, we had actually gathered together to have these private conversations. In fact, we all felt that our private conversations improved because we had gathered to have these talks.

Weird, right? Imagine a group of people gathering in a room just to each have private blue-tooth powered cell phone conversations. I’ll admit it: I do it as often as possible. It isn’t New York. In fact, it is not an earthly experience at all.

So, I respond to the bluetooth device wearing person who yesterday asked me why we gather in order to have private conversations: “What do you think you are doing? I will not carry on an important conversation with my wife while walking on a crowded street. I move to the closest quiet spot to speak with her. I usually find a few others who are doing the same thing.

“If that is what I do to have a disembodied conversation with my wife, what shall I do to converse with God?”

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I spoke with a few people this week whose children are having difficulty praying in school. The kids do not enjoy prayer and express their resentment by coming late and talking while others pray. (Sounds like some adults I know!)

The parents, with whom I spoke, all mentioned the teachers insisting that they teach the children how to pray, and they cannot understand why the children do not understand what they must do.

My response is a simple question: Are you teaching them how to pray, what they must do, or are you teaching them how to become prayors; people who develop their relationship with God through prayer?

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God didn’t heal Moshe’s speech impediment because Moshe did not ask for healing.
Moshe did not ask for healing because he felt that no matter how well he spoke, he was an inadequate representative of God to the powerful Pharaoh. (Nachmanides, Exodus, Chapter 4)

Was Moshe saying that he knew better than God?

We compared this to the Talmudic ruling, “That a person would have been more comfortable, not having been created.” We asked, if God is perfectly good, why would He do something that is not good for us?

We explained that our soul is willing to give all up in order to never lessing God’s honor in the world. God understands that we will slip and fall, and damage His Presence (Kaviyachol) but we prefer to never lessen His honor.

Moshe was fighting for God’s honor.

We must pray and ask in a way that adds to God’s Honor and presence and only for things that will bring honor to His Name.

Once we learn how to focus on Kivod Hashem, our prayers will automatically be answered.

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Avot is a celebration of human potential: God desires to be known by the Avot: The Lord of Abraham.

We may thrill at the potential but we have difficulty connecting, because we are so attached to limitations. We therefore turn to the second blessing: Empowerment – Gevurot.

We move back and forth between the thrill of potential and limitation in the same way we move between worlds. The Third blessing speaks of our ability to connect the worlds and use them to create a new reality.

In order to create the new reality we need Torah.

Torah is not a list of rules or information. Da’at Torah demands an intimate connection as in, “And Adam knew Eve his wife.”

We compared this to the story of two congregants who carried very old and worn letters in their pockets wherever they went. They each wrote a letter to each other when they were in the Warsaw ghetto so that they would remain connected no matter how distant. They carried these letters with them until their deaths in the late 90s. They read and reread the letters. They read what was written and what was not. They read between the lines and never tired of finding new levels of meaning in the familiar words.

The Torah is such a letter to each of us from God. Da’at is the ability to read the Torah with that connection.

Da’at is the difference between Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l answering a question that flowed through every cell of his body, or finding the answer on a computer search.

“Ata” – You – speaking to God in second person, something we would never do to a Rebbi, is God’s way to call us closer to Him when we begin to withdraw.

You – our close and intimate God, grant us such an intimate connection with Torah as a gift without any strings.

This is the only blessing that begins with acknowledgement. We offered two reasons:

1. One must appreciate wisdom in order to receive more. (Based on Daniel 2:26)
2. We speak as if God has already responded to our prayer even before we asked, simply because we intended to ask. We compared this to Taanit 8a, the story of Rabbi Zeira and accepting to fast for rain.

You teach us understanding: We accept life experiences as lessons in understanding. Instead of asking, “Why did God want me to be stuck in traffic on the way to a job interview?” Ask, “How did I react to the situation? How could I have improved my reaction?”

We then spoke of the interaction of Da’at and Binah in a marriage.

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I realized that I forgot to bring my toothpaste and was happy to have an opportunity to practice my newly acquired and limited German. I breezed through asking and actually understanding directions to the nearest pharmacy. I received some strange looks when I asked for toothpaste, but I attributed it to the strange sight of a Jew wearing a yarmulke in a Moslem neighborhood in Hanover, Germany.
As soon as I began to brushy teeth, I realized that it nothing to do with my head covering; I had asked for denture glue. My mouth was glued shut and my teeth were still as stale as when I got off the plane.
I rushed to my appointment at the hospital. Any hopes that no one would notice my mouth were dashed when the doctor asked if I was having issued with my jaw. My determination to practice speaking German remained strong. I had practiced reporting my medical history and conditions, so I was fully prepared for this meeting. The doctor shook his head as soon as I mentioned my cervical surgery: “It’s not possible!” he said in English. “A man can’t have a hysterectomy.”
“I said cervical surgery, not a hysterectomy.” “No, you said hysterectomy. Perhaps we should stick to English.”
He obviously was not as fluent in German as my dictionary!
Things get lost in translation, especially if you don’t know how to properly use a dictionary.
We had a dog trainer come to the house to help us with a dog we rescued. He was Korean and quite fluent in English, but I soon found myself translating for my Argentine wife and the trainer. They both spoke English but could not understand each other’s accents.
As I was leaving the house this morning my wife, unhappy with my color coordination asked me to change into “your peacock blazer.” I had no idea what she was talking about. I thought she hated birds. Peacock?
My doctor said, “I see what you mean,” when he clearly meant that he did not.
We don’t need to speak different languages to be confused. We do a fine job with only one language.
When God “confused the languages” of the people who built the Tower of Babel, He didn’t only mix up different languages; He confused their communication. People who spoke the same language spoke in layers and people stopped communicating.
The literary term is “sprachgefeul” (Hey, I needed to show off my German!). There are layers of meaning in our words, layers that reflect our past, emotions and experiences.
The Ramchal explains that until the Tower of Babel humanity had the ability to share a united agenda: to repair Adam’s sin. Once people began to focus on their more immediate and limited agendas they lost the most essential quality they shared. The confusion of their communication was a natural consequence of their limited focus. Everyone was focused on different things and they forfeited their sprachgefeul.
We do share one language that rises above the consequences of the Tower: the siddur – prayer book. The Anshei Knesset HaGadol -The Men of the Great Assembly – composed it and in order to be appointed one had to be fluent in all major languages. (Do you think my “cervical” error would disqualify me?”) Many members were prophets and they used all their skills to compose the Siddur in such a manner that someone praying in 21st century America could share sprachgefeul with a Jew singing the same words in 8th century Egypt.
The siddur is our opportunity to rise above the consequences of the Tower. Do you understand what I’m saying?

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The true praise is when all of us are unified.
This is describing what all are already doing in response to a miracle. We are supposed to be doing more.
Part of Hallel is the recognition that He is above all forms of Hallel. This is signified by His glory being above the heavens.
We are still comparing how limited is the praise of the other nations. This obviously is also a reminder to us not to fall into the same traps.
This is a theme that will repeat itself with David; that which is High comes down to us, the arrogant are lowered, and the humble are lifted. Why is this essential to Hallel?
Hashem’s greatness in terms that are beyond us, yet He is concerned for the weak etc.

We are singing with the joy of all songs past.

We are singing because we are servants of Hashem. The world was sinning until we sang Hallel. It is the praise of the world to its Creator. For some reason the Sages saw that we had to become servants of God in order to sing Hallel. Unless we recognize that we are servants we cannot sing Hallel.
We are singing because Hashem made us His servants.

We are referring to the letters of Hashem’s name that were used in the creation of this and the Future world. This also seems to be saying that Hashem sings with us.
We are not completely the servants of Hashem if it is not also acknowledged by all the people of the world.

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How can I give voice to all the praises of Hallel?

Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi said: The Book of Psalms was said in ten different forms of praise: “Nituach”, Niggun”, Maskil”, “Mizmor”, “Shir” “Ashrei” “Tehillah” “Tefilah”, Hodaah”, and “Halleluyah”. The greatest of them all is Halleluyah for it incorporates the Divine Name and Praise together in one word. (Pesachim 117a)

The Praise and Thanks of Hallel are empowered by God.

The opening word of the Hallel is how we call on God’s assistance in singing His praises and expressing our joy and gratitude.

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My very good friend and role model of prayer, Sam Glaser recently produced an album with his Hallel. (You can find it at Sam Glaser: Glaser Musicworks: www.samglaser.com) I love it. I love singing the Hallel along with him. I am convinced that Reb Sam found the perfect tunes to match the powerful words of King David. His tunes help me sing the Hallel in a way that no other tunes can. I have sung Reb Sam’s Hallel so many times that I finally can remember his tunes.
But, I have a problem: Whenever we reach the Hallel in davening, I find myself singing all the old tunes out of habit and can’t seem to recall any of Reb Sam’s tunes. It is so frustrating! I want to sing Reb Sam’s Hallel. I plan on singing his tunes, but when the time comes, I find myself singing all the old tunes. (I guess I should fly Reb Sam out whenever I need to sing Hallel.)
I suspect that I am not alone in singing Hallel in habit rather than spontaneous joy. The purpose of this book is to help me, and, hopefully, you, learn new forms of Hallel and achieve new levels each time we open with Halleluyah.

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Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.