My father zt”l always told me that a person “who is a person who truly honors his parents will have good children”. He also told me, in 1964, that one of his students, D, practiced extraordinary honor of his parents. So, keeping the two ideas in mind, I was excited to meet D’s son. If D was truly a master of honoring his parents, and I believe my father, his son must be a very special person. I had never met him, but I couldn’t wait to see how good a person he is.

He’s not. He went out of his way to try to publicly insult me. I have heard so much worse, that I didn’t feel insulted. My only thought was of my father.

It is unusual for me to feel that my father was mistaken about a Torah based idea or an observation of human behavior. So, I assumed that I was mistaken, and the son I perceived as a very rude and obnoxious person, must actually be a good guy. I was willing to consider his rude behavior as a reaction to me. (I’ve often been told that I bring out the worst in some people.)

How could I find out?

At least I had some lessons from another ‘father,’ Isaac, the Patriarch, as how to handle such people: “Abimelech went to him from Gerar with a group of his friends and Phicol, general of his legion. Isaac said to him, “Why have you come to me? You hate me.” (Genesis 26:26-27)

I could do as Isaac did and say, “You hate me. Why?” Abimelech was not insulted by Isaac’s forthrightness: “We have indeed seen that God is with you.” Yes, I hate you, but, hey, you have God on your side, so let’s cooperate!

No matter how rude this fellow was to me, he couldn’t be worse than Abimelech.

I used the Isaac approach: “You hate me. You attempted to publicly insult me. Please tell me why.”

It didn’t work. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said with pure venom as he walked away.

Is it possible that both Isaac and my father were wrong? Inconcievable!

I cannot blame this person’s mother; she is an even finer person than her husband. I thought back on my father’s words and found the answer. He differentiated between a person who practiced all the behaviors of Kibud Av v’Eim – honoring parents – and a person who is a person whose essence is to honor his parents. The actions do not necessarily change a person’s essence. A person may do everything according to the letter of the law, but not be a person who honors his parents. It’s like the person who performs all the actions of love without really loving his wife. She will know, and parents know when their child honors them and when he is simply going through the motions.

I thought back on my father’s description of D: “practiced extraordinary honor of his parents,” he did not say that D was a true honorer of his parents. No wonder his son is so rude! I can only claim to be a person who honors his father, not just in action but in essence, by being more careful in listening to his words.

What about Isaac? I still believe in being straightforward about such things, and not pretending that I am a friend of someone who is actually an enemy. But, Isaac did not go to Abimelech. He waited for the king to come to him. I should not have approached D’s son with my question. I should have been more careful in listening to Isaac, and waited for the young man to come to me. I can become a child whose essence honors Isaac only when I am more careful in following his lead.

I’ll try.
Rabbeinu Yonah: Honoring Parents & Tools For Honoring Parents
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Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.

People often ask me about the Jewish problem with tattoos.

I believe that it is an issue with the idea of permanence. (See Looking For Permanence) One of the Jewish inmates I served as a prison chaplain had a tattoo of a heart with a long list of names of women he had loved. Ever name, save the last, had an additional tattoo across it. He told me that he was going to have the bottom name crossed out as well because she had abandoned him when he was sentenced to life in prison.

“Why have the names tattooed on your (huge) arm if they don’t last?” I naively asked. “I only tattoo the name of a woman who I’m gonna be with forever,” he answered with full sincerity.

Rather than a permanent tribute to love, he had a permanent record of failed relationships.

I usually ask people with tattoos that are a few years old, if they would choose the same design today. Although a few people say, “Yes,” most people would choose a different design. They simply decide to have another tattoo with the new design.

“If you realize that your taste changes, why do something so permanent?”

“This one will last! I have a better sense of myself and how I will be for the rest of my life.”

Judaism celebrates our ability to change and grow. We are never stuck if we choose to change and grow. We rage, rage against the idea of permanence, except in a Covenant with God, and that is a reflection of God’s Unity, and not of our ability to achieve permanence.

It may feel like our problems are permanent, but they are not. We may expect our relationships to last, but not all, will. Judaism sees life as an ever-changing adventure, and warns us against locking ourselves into anything that will limit our ability to evolve.

The Torah associates such ideas of permanence with failure or blindness. Eisav failed because of his desire for permanence. The Torah does not associate God’s Name with anyone while they are alive, because even the great one’s can fall and fail. Yochanan Kohen Gadol served as High Priest for 40 years, only to lose his way. There is only one person in the bible with whom the Torah associates God’s Name even while the person was alive: Isaac. His blindness limited his movement to his immediate home, and there was no danger of his falling off his righteous path.

So, I’ll forego any tattoos, at least for now; after all, nothing is permanent.

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Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.

In the merit of Eliezer Halevi ben Raizel. May the Almighty visit him, as He did Abraham, and bring a complete recovery.

How can young children, who are far away from a sick grandparent, fulfill the Mitzvah of visiting the ill?

Children are often frightened when illness strikes a close relative. They confront mortality and often feel helpless. However, there are many things they can do to fulfill the Mitzvah of Bikkur Cholim:

1. Call regularly and write letters and cards that express the child’s constant love for the sick person.
2. They should ask the person about them. They should not just speak of themselves.
3. They should accept to perform a Mitzvah with extra care in the merit of their sick relative.
4. They should be extra supportive of their parent who is dealing with a sick parent of their own. The Mitzvah of Bikkur Cholim is not only to help the person who is sick: It includes supporting the caregiver so that he feels stronger is caring for his parent.
5. They should convey messages that will offer nachas to the grandparent who is ill.
6. They should be encouraged to use their creativity in fulfilling both Bikkur Cholim and honoring their parent who is dealing with the sick relative.

Parents have a special opportunity to teach their children about Honoring Parents and Bikkur Cholim when there is someone in the family who is ill. It is an opportunity that should not be missed.

Parents should also take time to speak with their children and allow them to express their fears.

Author Info:
Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone™ is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.