Dancing
Aug 21st, 2009 by Rabbi Simcha Weinberg in Relationships
Dancing
The madness of the dance.
In every town there now are some
Who fall upon a trance.
It drives them ever night and day,
They scarcely stop for breath,
Till some have dropped along the way
And some are met by death.
So goes a grim ditty from the Straussburgh Chronicle of Kleinkawel, 1625, describing another outbreak of ‘dancing mania’. Manic dancing was first mentioned in the 14th C., and sporadic outbreaks are described in the 15th, 16th, and 17th C.
The first major outbreak of dancing mania was in Aix-la-Chapelle in July of 1374. A group of people was seen to dance uncontrollably in the streets, foaming at the mouth and screaming of wild visions. They kept on dancing until they collapsed from exhaustion, but even then they flailed about in agony until forcefully restrained.
Believe me, if they had watched Manhattan traffic, with the constant dance of cars in and around each other and the pedestrians prancing in between and in front of speeding cars, they would have known what is real manic dancing.
I don’t know about you, but I hesitate to play “chicken” with my car, but yesterday I seemed to be the only one. Cars switch lanes without looking, certainly not signaling. People jay walk just as you are about to cross the street and you end up stuck in the “Block” because you were silly enough to not simply run over the people who, by this time in my mind, or mood, deserved it.
It’s a dance of cars, people, double parked trucks, bicycles, surreys (without a fringe on top), pushcarts and people from a nearby state who cannot be called rivers! It’s exhausting. I asked Debbie to drive, and got her Argentine blood boiling. She pretended to be driving in Buenos Aires, or to be dancing a complex Tango. I closed my eyes, and we arrived home in record time.
“No more dancing today!” I declared. I was wrong, as usual. A different dance awaited me: The Dealing With Other People Dance. It’s even more complex and tiring than the dancing mania in Aix-la-Chapelle, the Manhattan traffic dance, or the Tango.
“Rabbi, I want you to be straight with me. Tell me what you think of my D’var Torah – Torah Thought. I insist.”
“OK. If you want me to be straightforward, I must tell you that not only does your idea make no sense, it actually borders on heresy.”
“How could you say that?”
I tried explaining and the dance began. It was a mistake to take him at face value and speak my mind about his convoluted and twisted thought. I had to make nice and work my way around his feelings, bobbing and weaving, verbally leaping and prancing, until I could respectfully disagree and not ruin a twenty-year relationship.
Hold on one second! Why have I maintained a twenty-year relationship with someone who only wants to verbally dance around ideas and feeling? Is this relationship another dance form?
I have been dancing around an unrewarding relationship for so long because I dance to society’s music of social norms.
I knew that all the steps seemed familiar and natural when I learned ballroom dancing. I have been dancing all my life.
Well, I officially announce that I am removing my dancing shoes. No more of this type of dancing for me.
Excuse me for a second: I’m sorry: I have to go to the city to pick up a package. I’ll just slip the shoes right back on. “Debbie! Can you drive?”
Author Info:
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The ivrit words for dancing(rikud) and sifting (m’raked) share the same root R’K'D.
Perhaps this connection between the words intimates the care we must imbue in our actions – we must choose our steps and our words very carefully , but this is how we choose to live our lives.
R’ Shlomo would jokingly refer to a ‘Holy Rabbi’ who on shabbat would not leave his home because he was afraid he would step on an ant.
As I mentioned in an earlier blog comment (Eikev:In Name,Without Reality )there are different levels of worlds= the world as we know it where our lives have a purpose-to Serve the Creator (thank you Avraham Avinu!) i.e.Olam HaZeh vs. one level below is the world of ‘Ratzo vaShov’ – running to-and-fro to no purpose.
At times it seems we’re stuck in a rut and questioning our purpose in life since we seem to be dancing in circles ====>That’s a good time to recall the Ba’al Shem Tov’s response to his chassidim “If you can ask the Question – you’re in Olam HaZeh, and your life is purposeful.”
I’d like to view R’ Simcha’s comment, that’s he’s been dancing around an unrewarding relationship for so long because he dances to society’s music of social norms, differently.
Perhaps it’s unrewarding for him, but I daresay the person at the other end has found it rewarding. Also, my feeling that R’ Simcha perpetuates this situation (20 years and counting…) is akin to R’ Yisroel Salanter’s spending a not inconsiderable time answering the poor widow’s simple question. When queried afterwards by his students why he didn’t answer her simple question immediately, he responded that he didn’t want her to feel foolish for having troubled him with such a simple question, in which case, when a more weighty question would arise she wouldn’t want to ‘bother the Great Rabbi’.
Surely , we all recall the Great Hillel, who greeted all with great equanimity and thru his great patience danced around and together with ,many divergent characters.