Respecting Father
May 27th, 2009 by Rabbi Simcha Weinberg in Relationships, Spiritual Growth
What should I do if someone, asking for advice, is disrespectful of my father in an indirect manner? Which comes first: Obligation to my father or role as Rabbi and being extra sensitive to person?
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Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.
Author Info:
Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.
3 Comments
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Being extra sensitive comes first in order to help the person recognize how they were discrespectful at a later, receptive time.
I understand the need for sensitivity. My issue is my obligation to honor my father: I corrected the statements the person made but felt that I had not adequately stood up for my father.
Rav Shmuel Brazil taught us that his Rebbe (who you taught us was your father’s chavrusa (and later his ‘Rebbe’ too)) -Rav Shlomo Freifeld ztllh’h once waited 10 years to give tochacha to a talmid and explained that it was only then that he felt/knew that his advice would be heeded.
Recently, my father rebuked me for not standing up to him when he was criticized during a three way phone call. Due to his being immediately sensitive to the disrespect he was suffering, I should have stood up for him.
The difference in your father ztllh’h’s case, is that he was a Gadol HaDor, so perhaps Hilchot Kibud Rav has an answer. Unfortunately I would still argue that due to ‘nefilat ha-dorot’ – the fact that we have fallen so far – that in our nearly complete ignoramus ways of today of the respect due *true* giants, that it would still fall on deaf ears and fail to make any impression except a worse one.
Did others hear the slight, i.e., was it made in a public setting?
I would say: (a) if in private, there was no absolutely no failure, as there was no immediate sensitivity hurt on your father’s part, his not being ‘there’ physically to hear the slight and (b) one should wait until a message can be heard.
If the slight was in public, there may have been a small failure, but chances are it was certainly outweighed by the need to teach/rebuke when the other(s) are receptive.