Responding to A Request for Me to Pray
May 26th, 2009 by Rabbi Simcha Weinberg in Prayer, Spiritual Growth
How should I respond to a complete stranger who calls me and literally weeps with desperation as he begs me to pray that he find a way to support his family? I told him I would pray for him, but wondered if he prayed for himself. Any ideas of how I should respond to such requests?
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Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.
Author Info:
Learn & discover the Divine prophecies with Rabbi Simcha Weinberg from the holy Torah, Jewish Law, Mysticism, Kabbalah and Jewish Prophecies. The Foundation Stone is the ultimate resource for Jews, Judaism, Jewish Education, Jewish Spirituality & the holy Torah.
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With sincere sympathy and with any networking suggestions one can follow up on. Wondering if the person prayed for themself is besides the point (it may not be their derech towards dveikut, that’s “(a)”. (b) if it is a good time to get through to them to communicate the efficacy of tefillah, then grab it; if not, now is not the time for tefillah lessons – *at all.* As one Chasidisheh Rebbe told his brother, “I want you to stop all your spiritual dedications and come and go door to door collecting with me.”
I used the opportunity to ask him how he is praying and offered suggestions to improve and empower his prayer. I felt that he was turning to me in the belief that somehow my prayers would be more effective. My suggestions to improve his prayers only served to convince him that he was right!
lol!
Well, chances are he was… correct!
It seems to me your response was precisely akin to the way Rav Menachem Mendel Schneerson ztllh’h replied when he received such requests: with empathy, his own prayers, guidance and advice.
I believe it was Rav Yisroel Salanter who said that our natural inclination is to worry about our fellow’s spiritual connectedness and our own physical(material) wellbeing.Whereas, in truth we should put the emphasis on our fellow’s physical/material wellbeing and our own spiritual connectedness.
If the person approaching you was ‘weeping in desperation’, clearly their state of mental wellbeing was so shaky that it probably was bordering on having physical ramifications.
R’Shlomo gave over the Mei HaShiloach (last piece) on Naso, related to the N’si’im bringing wagons to make the L’vi’im’s roadie burdens lighter. R’Shlomo’s final ‘open your hearts’ spin was “Moshe Rabbeinu was receiving the Torah directly from G-d. What could be higher than that?! But the rachmanus the N’si’im had in their hearts for the L’vi’im’s plight was even higher than that”.
The immediate response is to assure the supplicant you will add your prayers on his behalf. Just by saying this, you have provided some element of succor to this person.
After that you may wish to indicate the concept of ‘Azov Ta’azov Imo’ in the fashion that your prayers on his behalf will have greater amplification if he is also praying on his own behalf.
2 quick personal stories:
1. Shira and I were at Machane Yehudah one Erev Shabbat,probably at least 5 years ago, and this lady came over to us asking to daven for her ill husband “Shlomo ben Sultanat”. We told her we will (and wrote the name down)and I still have him on my daily list.
2.A friend of ours asked that I add the grandchild of a Rav she learned with to my list. Duly noted and done. However, 3 months later, when I asked her how the child was doing, she wasn’t on top of it and I told her straight out that if she importuned me to daven for a non-related third party, I was under the impression she was also participating.
Bottom line, you have to know your customer and have good timing, as far as self-participation comments.First and foremost, alleviate the person’s concerns to whatever extent possible without conditionalizing.